“No ChatGPT Thanks” Is Taking Over. But Who Are You Asking?
Who needs ChatGPT when you have access to far superior sources of knowledge? Sure, the LLM can remind you to drink water, or teach you the difference between affect and effect, or even recommend the best pizza joints in your area. But can it deliver an impassioned 20-minute monologue about beetle taxonomy as Blathers does?
Can it brighten your day with sudden, unprompted acts of violence like your cat? Or better yet, can it dispense cryptic, life-altering fortunes from a dusty boardwalk booth like Zoltar, leaving you questioning every decision you’ve ever made for the low price of a quarter? Can it? No sir. The internet has discovered a new way to reject artificial intelligence, and it’s beautifully unhinged.
A viral trend sweeping X (formerly Twitter) has users declaring they don’t need ChatGPT, not when they can consult far more qualified experts. Namely, we have fictional characters, video game NPCs, and whatever animal happens to be staring at them from across the room. The format is simple: just post “No ChatGPT for me, thanks” followed by whatever chaotic alternative you can think of. The only limit is your imagination, and the responses so far have been absolutely chef’s kiss.
Starting with perhaps the best alternative to the AI tool, we have Animal Crossing‘s Blathers, the owl who will absolutely bury you in unsolicited information, whether you asked for it or not. Blathers is famous for going off on tangents. You know, sort of like LLMs, but infinitely more likeable. And what’s more, you can definitely count on him to hallucinate less and offer more accurate information.
How about the terrifying archangel from del Toro’s Frankenstein? I personally wouldn’t go anywhere near that guy, even if I needed help drafting a passive-aggressive email to my landlord—but hey, to each their own.
Now, a more distinguished choice would be Mighty Nein‘s The Traveler due to her nature. A chaotic trickster god who delights in mischief and offers guidance that’s equal parts helpful and deeply unhinged? Sign me up. There’s also the obvious pick: Johnny Silverhand from Cyberpunk 2077, because who better to lead the revolution against AI than an anarchist who fought against it?
ChatGPT can answer your questions, but can it fundamentally alter the trajectory of your existence from behind carnival glass for the price of a quarter? Didn’t think so. Enter Zoltar.
The next time you’re tempted to ask ChatGPT for help, consider your alternatives. In a world increasingly run by algorithms and AI, there’s something rather comforting about choosing nonsense. And who knows, maybe that nonsense ends up inspiring you to do something truly unique or unexpected.
So go ahead and think about it. If not ChatGPT, then who?
(featured image: Nintendo)
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