A New Hampshire Town Is About to Sponsor a “Pee Bus” for Science, We Have So Many Questions
Such as: "Why does it have to be so far away?"
If you live in Durham, New Hampshire, rest assured that your tax dollars are going towards worthwhile scientific research. The town is sponsoring a “pee bus” for University of New Hampshire students who are studying the use of purified urine as fertilizer. The research will be great for the environment and the town’s finances—and also because now a Pee Bus is a real thing.
I mean, they probably wanted to call it the Wienermobile, but that likely has legal problems and isn’t fully gender-inclusive. So, we instead have the Pee Bus, and Team Geekosystem is currently trying to figure out just how practical it would be for us to travel to New Hampshire to pee on a bus specifically designed for peeing.
The UNH whiz kids are planning to help the environment on two fronts with the urine. If they can prove that it is a viable method of fertilization, not only will it help farmers, but it will remove a lot of nitrogen from the water supply that feeds into the Oyster River and Great Bay. If urine can successfully be diverted for other purposes, it will lower the cost of the town’s water treatment center, as well.
Nitrogen in the water supply peaks on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night when the university students and others are consuming… extra beverages. So, when it debuts on March 20th, the Pee Bus will be available from 9PM to 1AM on those nights of the week in a lot on the corner of Stafford Ave and Garrison Ave. That’s also the site of a regular, boring, non-urine themed bus stop, so be careful not to board a regular bus just to pee. They probably won’t appreciate your environmental enthusiasm.
After the planned 264 gallons of pee are collected, they’ll be kept at the Durham public works facility for a few months of disinfection before being tested as fertilizer by hay farmers in the area. The students have a good sense of humor about what they’re doing, and they’ve called it a public service to students under 21 who can’t access any public bathrooms at those times.
“We need urine, and they have it,” said student Elizabeth McCrary. If you won’t be around where the pee bus is, “Urine luck,” McCrary added. They’ll also be bringing the mobile portapotty to football games, outdoor concerts, and other events. “Pee-pare yourself. We want to put toilet talk back on the table,” she said.
But how should we pee-pare ourselves? What are the amenities like on the pee bus? Heated seats? Do we need to bring our own beverages? Will there be sounds of running water to get us in the mood? Is there any recommendation on what peeing technique is best for fertilizer? Sitting? Standing? The champ? (That is, of course, holding both fists triumphantly above your head while you pee.) How do the people who run the poo donation bank feel about this? Maybe you guys should team up.
Regardless, pee-pare we will, McCrary. It seems like the plan is to drive to New Hampshire, get drunk, and then pee a whole lot on a bus. Who’s in? It’s for science.