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More on the Battleship Movie, Including….Vagina Dentata?

Misleading Headline of the Day

Battleship. Ever since its trailer was released a few weeks ago, movie fans have been buzzing with anticipation for what is sure to be the board-game-to-film masterpiece of the century. Or….something like that. Only quite possibly the opposite. In either case we’re mighty curious, so here are some new things we’ve learned about the…adaptation.

  • There will actually be a reason behind the characters in the movie essentially playing their own game of Battleship, pinning pins to the board to guess the location of the enemy ships–the aliens (seriously, what is this movie?) put up a force-field/energy dome…thing….over the ocean, which messes with communications and radar. This means they have to actually play Battleship, guessing at the locations of enemy ships and hoping that eventually they hit one. There is no word on how this is supposed to be entertaining.
  • The filmmakers gave nicknames to the four different types of alien ships showcased in the film. They are named after The Beatles, because why not:
  1. John Lennon: “a giant flying bug that comes out of the ocean and shoots a “sonic pulse array” weapon”
  2. Paul McCartney: “a helicopter, that also looks somewhat insectoid, and shoots a “sonic pulse cannon.”
  3. Ringo Starr: “a sort of alien aircraft carrier, with different colored sections on its deck.”
  4. George Harrison: George is the most contested one. Some say his ship is like a Bird of Prey. Others say it’s like….Vagina dentata. Because it wouldn’t be a movie about aliens without some haphazard ladybits horror thrown in. (The Alien movies get a pass for being equally gross about all genetalia.)
  • Apparently the reasons the aliens have come to Earth in the film is because they live off of sea water, and presumably their resources elsewhere have been depleted. Or because they’re just jerks.
  • Two of the alien ships (Specifically George and Ringo) can fire pegs. Like in the game. Or something.
  • Rihanna will be not playing an alien. Damnit!

Moral of the story: What.

(io9 via Alyssa Rosenberg)

(Photo via OMG Wire)

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Alanna is a pop culture writer who works as the Weekend Editor for The Mary Sue, an entertainment writer for Bustle, and a freelancer for everywhere. She has a lot of opinions about Harry Potter and will 100% bully you into watching the shows that she loves. Don't worry, it's a sign of friendship.