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Martin Freeman, That is Entirely Non-Canonical (Martin Freeman Speculates on Bilbo’s Sex Life)

There And Back Again

Lets be honest: we’re not entirely certain of the provenance of this quote from Martin Freeman. NME says it came from Total Film, but we can’t actually locate the Total Film article in which it appears. So we’re less than 100% confident that these words actually came out of Freeman’s mouth, but we don’t much care because of all the jokes we can make about it. Just keep that in mind while you read the following words:

Speaking of investigating the role of Bilbo:

I think he’s had sex. I’m not sure. I’m trying to convince Peter to write that scene in…

Ha ha ha Martin Freeman what are you saying.

I mean, obviously you’re joking. But this isn’t something that you should joke about. This is the LotR fandom. What happens in Rivendell does not stay in Rivendell. What is only possibly or unintentionally implied in Rivendell is carefully recreated by skilled fans in glorious full color and posted on the internet a day later. Just talk to Elijah Wood and Sean Astin.

Sean? Elijah?

Okay, they’re busy at the moment but how about Billy Boyd and Dominic Monahan.

Okay, fine! Just talk to me, then. It is imperative that you get used to the idea of seeing lovingly created, funny, adorable-awkward photoshopped and artistic renderings of yourself with any and/or all of your thirteen round, hairy, taller co-starring characters for the rest of us to enjoy (on any of many levels). Because it’s only a matter of time.

You should be used to this by now, you’re already in Sherlock.

Bonus content: Suggested Captions for that Boyd/Monahan Photo, from The Mary Sue Staff

  • “GODDAMMIT the fangirls did it again.”
  • “OH i was having the worst dre- OH GOD I’M STILL IN IT!”
  • “Merry, do you think we should put some clothes on? “No, Pip, no.”
  • “We’re all out of pipe-weed, aren’t we, Merry?”
  • “So, where are we going for second breakfast?”

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Susana Polo thought she'd get her Creative Writing degree from Oberlin, work a crap job, and fake it until she made it into comics. Instead she stumbled into a great job: founding and running this very website (she's Editor at Large now, very fancy). She's spoken at events like Geek Girl Con, New York Comic Con, and Comic Book City Con, wants to get a Batwoman tattoo and write a graphic novel, and one of her canine teeth is in backwards.