Man celebrates his girlfriend’s birthday but forgets a single appointment. Then her reaction makes him realize he no longer sees a future
Communication is important.
Navigating a relationship isn’t easy, but there are moments that might hit harder and start making you think about what you want from the relationship. Then, you might start considering whether the person you’re with is compatible with you for the long term.
That’s what happened to user Shaded-Haze on Reddit, as he shared on the Boy Dinner Diaries subreddit. With his first anniversary with his girlfriend approaching, he was starting to have doubts about their future as a couple.
The source of his doubts was the way he said she reacted to him forgetting that she had a doctor’s appointment on her birthday. Now, Shaded-Haze wanted Reddit to weigh in, saying, “I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if it’s all in my head. Advice welcome.”
Shaded-Haze went from wanting a life with his girlfriend to having doubts
Shaded-Haze said that birthdays are important to his girlfriend, and he wanted to do as much as he could for her, as she did for him. They had dinner with his family, he bought her a present, and they had a weekend getaway planned, even though it had to be rescheduled.
On the day of her birthday, he said he sent her a loving morning text. Despite being sincere, he felt that her responses seemed despondent, but he couldn’t figure out why.
He got an explanation later, and he described it, saying, “At 11 a.m., she texted that she felt ignored and sad and had been crying all morning because I hadn’t asked how she was or how her doctor’s appointment went. I had honestly forgotten about the appointment because I was focused on work.”
Shaded-Haze said his girlfriend has been diagnosed with anxiety, and he feels like they approach relationships very differently. This led to his feelings about their future, saying, “I feel I can never meet her expectations, not because I don’t want to change, but because we’re fundamentally too different. I no longer picture a future together, and I worry her anxiety attacks would be even more harmful if we lived together or had children.”
Commenters shared their thoughts on anxiety and relationships
Some commenters related to having anxiety or being with somebody who has anxiety, and their overall advice was that the girlfriend needed to work on coping methods and handling her anxiety to help. One person called themselves a “serial anxious-girl dater” and said, “In many cases it led to things like this, where I wasn’t doing enough, but we both realized that nothing would be enough and the healing was hers to do and there was nothing I could solve.”
Another commenter said that the problem is a lack of communication, with the girlfriend not communicating until her feelings are already hurt, and the boyfriend’s lack of curiosity turns into a lack of communication. “What ends up happening is there is NO communication whatsoever, which generated hurt feelings.”
The Anxiety & Depression Association of America has advice online to help people understand how to support a partner who has anxiety and/or depression. Some tips from the website include: learning about the specific disorder, encouraging professional treatment, setting realistic and specific goals, and not assuming you know what your partner needs.
Shaded-Haze admitted to wondering if he and his girlfriend are too different for a future together, and it seems like he has a lot to consider. No matter how much advice he reads in the comments, he’s the only one who can decide if he wants to work toward a future with her, or if it might be time to go separate ways.
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