Migaloo's personal submersible yacht for billionaires.

Let’s Send All the Billionaires to the Bottom of the Sea With These New Luxury Submarines

When you become a billionaire, the world inevitably shrinks. How else do you explain the ultra-wealthy’s obsession with space travel or their desire to plumb the depths of the world’s oceans? The vastness of our planet is simply small potatoes, so they must go BEYOND.

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Luckily for those SOBs, there’s an Austrian company ready to capitalize on a billionaire’s dream of living like a Bond villain. Migaloo offers the “world’s one and only private submersible superyacht,” a cursed vessel that offers all the thrills of a luxury yacht with all the terrifying claustrophobia of a submarine in one ostentatious package. The company bills the submersibles as “a not-yet-existing alternative to large privately owned surface vessels.”

These superyachts will be able to descend 250 meters (820 feet) beneath the surface, where they can stay submerged for up to a month. After all, who needs sunlight when you have a personalized bowling alley, a luxury screening room, and your very own spa?

And don’t worry! If any of your crew members become infected with an alien parasite or need an emergency Face/Off procedure, these babies come equipped with MediBays! Because if you’re getting an appendectomy at the bottom of the sea, you want to do it in a room that looks like the lobby of the Bellagio!

Here’s a look at one of these MediBays in action!

You would think that the wealthy elite would be deterred from recreational submarining after the OceanGate disaster, but apparently, the answer is bigger and better subs. And in case a luxury submarine yacht isn’t a risky enough proposition, you can also add an underwater shark-feeding station. Yes, really.

I think my favorite part of Migaloo’s venture is this post where they list the various owner types among the “Ultra-High-Net-Worth Individuals (UHNWI).” They are broken down into various categories like technology, business, and experiences (EXPERIENCES!). If the images are anything to go by, all these potential clients would be just as comfortable betting on Squid Games or bidding for a machine that controls the weather.

Take a look at the offerings and tag yourself: I’m “Red light sustainability queen.”

If you’re interested in purchasing a Migaloo for your summer vacation, be advised that these babies start at $2 billion a pop. They’re the perfect gift for that special someone in your life who enjoys luxury with an off-chance of pressurized explosion!

(featured image: Migaloo)


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Author
Chelsea Steiner
Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.