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I Have Seen the Devil and He Is Wearing Stiletto Crocs

I regret to inform you that Crocs is at it again.

balenciaga crocs

When Crocs first landed on the scene in 2002, they announced themselves as the future of unattractive yet obscenely comfortable footwear. And nearly two decades later, they remain as popular as ever. Each year the company earns over $1 billion, cementing their status as one of the world’s 10 largest non-athletic footwear brands. The ubiquity of Crocs has led to several collaborations with celebrities and brands, ranging from Bad Bunny to Justin Bieber to KFC. Now, Croc’s latest collaboration sees them joining forces with luxury fashion house Balenciaga for the fashion house’s spring 2022 collection. The result? Behold, the Stiletto Croc:

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Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. All the comfort of a Croc, immediately erased with the addition of a stiletto heel. Balenciaga and Crocs have made a comfortable unattractive shoe but erased the comfort aspect. What a triumph of fuckery and anti-utilitarianism! Folks quickly took to Twitter to mock these ridiculous shoes:

The stiletto Crocs aren’t for sale yet, but these Crocs are expected to sell out very fast. Balenciaga previously released an $850 platform Croc in 2017 that sold out online before even hitting stores. And let’s not forget the great Lightning McQueen Crocs Internet Meltdown, which saw actual adults furiously trying to buy themselves Pixar-inspired Crocs.

Here’s the thing: I didn’t set out to be a Crocs-focused journalist. But those squishy plastic shoes are once again plaguing my nightmares and I feel that I must speak out against this latest atrocity to comfort and fashion. When they debuted the Kentucky Fried Chicken Crocs I said nothing. When they launched the Ruby Rose Crocs, I said nothing. When they gave us Crocs with built-in socks, I wondered how to clean them, but still said nothing.

And now, the Powers That Be have foisted these stiletto Crocs upon us, demanding that we all enjoy a “Croc Girl Summer”. And this is where I draw the line. A Croc without comfort is a Croc that doesn’t need to exist. This crime against feet/humanity cannot go on.

Unless … are these shoes really a complex sartorial metaphor for late stage capitalism? Or for the diametrically opposed demands of high fashion and comfy self care? Are these stiletto Crocs an indictment of modern feminism and #girlboss culture (cozy in the front, business bitch in the back).

Or are they just ugly shoes designed for audience backlash and clickbait? The world may never know.

balenciaga gif

(via Complex, image: Crocs/Balenciaga)

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Chelsea Steiner
Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.

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