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Hostess to Shut Down, Zombieland Closer to Reality Than Ever

No one is going to take this news harder than Woody Harrelson’s character from Zombieland, but Hostess is going out of business, threatening the world’s Twinkie supply. The labor strikes we told you about on Tuesday have proven too much for the company to handle, and it will now close its doors and fire all 18,500 of its employees. So much for Twinkies lasting forever.

The strikes at 24 of the nation’s 36 Hostess bakeries have killed the already wounded company. Hostess has been facing tough times with increasing competition in the snack game, and an increasingly health-conscious public. The announcement was made this morning that the company would be going under. Besides the Hostess brand, the company also makes Drake and Dolly Madison snack products. That means you can add Ring Dings, Funny Bones, and Zingers to the body count. It’s as if millions of snack cakes cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

The soft creamy center of this story is that Hostess will be selling its brands, so they may live on. No buyer has been announced, but we have to stay strong and hold on to the hope that the Twinkie makes it. It can survive nuclear war, and the zombie uprising. It can survive this. Just in case it doesn’t, we’re going to run out on our lunch break to buy a few cases to keep around the office. For emergencies.

Remember to enjoy the little things.

(via AP, image via turbona)

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Glen is a comedian, writer, husband, and father. He won his third-grade science fair and is a former preschool science teacher, which is a real job.