Hired Killer Falls in Love With Target, Fakes Her Death With Ketchup

Maria Nilza Simoes, of Bahia, Brazil, suspected that her husband was cheating on her, so she did what anyone would do: Hire someone to kill Iranildes Aguiar Araujo, the woman she believed had stolen her husband’s affection. To accomplish this grisly task, she paid Carlos Roberto de Jesus £345 ($533). Unfortunately, de Jesus fell madly in love with Araujo and confessed the whole scheme to her.

Instead of trying to find some legal means of escaping their situation, de Jesus and Araujo decided to keep the money and fake Araujo’s death. After buying two bottles of ketchup, de Jesus tied up and smeared Araujo with the popular tomato-based condiment. He then wedged a machete under Araujo’s armpit, took a photograph, and showed the “evidence” to Simoes who took the story hook, line, and sinker.

Unfortunately it seems that Araujo and de Jesus aren’t too familiar with film tropes, because instead of skipping town the pair were spotted kissing by Simoes.

But where do you go when you realize that the hitman you hired is making out with his intended target? Deciding to skip the Better Business Bureau, Simoes went to the police and told them de Jesus stole the money from her. When questioned by police, de Jesus confessed to the whole scheme — including the part where he was hired to kill Araujo. This surprised the police, to say the least.

As it stands right now, the three parties involved in this bizarre triangle are out on bail. Araujo and de Jesus face charges of extortion, and Simoes has been charged with “making threats to kill.” This is a pretty positive, albeit strange, note to end on, so here’s hoping that these three have got their murder-for-hire and will settle down for here on out.

(Daily Mail, UK Mirror via Reddit, image via William Hartz)