He tried standing up against his fraternity, but got isolated instead: ‘Even the school is trying to bury, hide, and avoid what happened’

The Mutual Man on TikTok (@the_mutual_man), known for short video essays and simple diagrams, shared his experience as a fraternity member. After raising questions about the issue of sexual assault, he alleged that his group turned against him.

“This is how my fraternity tried to silence me. This is when I tried to stand up against sexual assault,” he told TikTok. The faceless account has also shared other experiences from his time in a fraternity but hasn’t disclosed the university his former group is associated with.

He believes that fraternities, especially those that practice hazing, establish a power hierarchy through humiliation. The Mutual Man continued, explaining that the hierarchy must be enforced, or the system will turn against the individual who chooses to go against the grain.

“They have implicit rules to belong, such as: don’t snitch, seek approval, keep it in-house, protect the bros, and keep tradition. They frame these things as brotherhood,” he said. The Mutual Man further explained that men are sucked into these fraternities because they are looking for role models and connections. But as a result, they end up complying with the system, which he says makes them endure humiliation rituals.

Enabling exploitation

He believes these humiliation rituals are deliberate and test members’ ability to comply with the system. “It was when I started questioning things that I noticed the flaws. Brothers would look down on me, invalidate me, disrespect me, and it would confuse me because the questions I was raising were legitimate,” he claimed. The man didn’t go into depth about the questions, but they pertained to the culture of sexual assault and violence.

But the behavior isn’t exclusive to fraternities. One woman, who alleged that an athlete assaulted her, claimed that his friends continued defending him, even though he was kicked out of university. Similarly, the man believes the supposed brotherhood and sense of belonging fuel members to defend each other.

@the_mutual_man

I stood up against sexual assault within my fraternity, challenged people I believed were protecting harmful behavior, and was eventually blackballed. The conflict took a serious toll on my mental health, but later evidence helped clarify that I had been raising these concerns long before my breakdown. Today, I see it as a lesson in choosing integrity over belonging.

♬ Rat eating by itself – Gawzerz

“This got worse when the Me Too movement happened. Many, many women came out on social media, saying that brothers in my fraternity had assaulted them. One brother even admitted to it online and quickly removed it in order to protect the system,” he alleged. On the contrary, however, The Mutual Man felt strongly against sexual assault. He said he tried rallying members of his fraternity to do something about it. Instead, he claimed they chose to protect the fraternity’s image.

“They would ignore me, minimize my concerns, and instead listen to older members within the hierarchy. They made a public statement, as if they handled things, but within the system, protected the abusers,” he claimed. The man further alleged that his fraternity even threatened the supposed victims with legal action. For years, he said he felt confused about his fraternity’s actions and had even developed mental health issues as a result.

Breaking away from his fraternity

“The thing about fraternities is they also have communities built around them. People they know, such as the sororities, who also end up reinforcing the system,” he said. Even though he said he kept raising concerns, people whom he considered friends allegedly turned against him. They continued to befriend the alleged abusers, and eventually, The Mutual Man broke away. Even though he said he built an identity outside his fraternity, he alleged that the system turned against him, and he was socially isolated as a result.

“When you challenge a closed and unhealthy system, it will prioritize belonging and survival first, above morals,” he argued. He advised those struggling with the same problem to seek systems that actively fight against these close-knit ingroups. He further claimed, “Even the school is trying to bury, hide, and avoid what happened.” To that, another woman reported that when she told campus authorities about her ex-boyfriend’s abusive messages, they allegedly dismissed her case as a “love triangle.”

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