nonbinary coming out

Non-Binary Folks Share Advice for Coming Out as Gender Non-Conforming and Accepting Yourself

Struggling to come out as your authentic self? You're not alone.

Recommended Videos

With Pride Month coming to a close, Lifehacker has released a video featuring folks discussing coming out and the process of identifying as non-binary. The individuals include Nandi Kayyy, Dane Calabro, Divesh Brahmbhatt, and Kei Williams, all of whom use the pronouns they/them, but describe their gender identity in a variety of different ways. The video touches on gender, sexuality, identity, and the struggles of coming out as non-binary.

Simply put, gender non-forming is “a term used to describe some people whose gender expression is different from conventional expectations of masculinity and femininity.” Similar terms like genderqueer, gender fluid, non-binary, and gender variant express the recognition of a gender spectrum that exists beyond the male/female binary.

Another important distinction is the difference between sex and gender, two concepts often used interchangeably with each other. Sex is simply the medical assignment made at birth based on a baby’s external anatomy. Gender however, is how you feel inside, your sense of self. Sex and gender are entirely separate from sexuality/orientation, which is about who you are(or aren’t) sexually or romantically attracted to.

Despite being acknowledged across cultures and countries, the concept of gender variance is still widely misunderstood and dismissed. While gender variance has existed for centuries, many people struggle with upending and exploring identities beyond the binary.

It’s hard to break out of a system that’s been reinforced as a cornerstone of our identity since before we’re born. Just look at the rise in popularity of gender reveal parties, where parents and families gather together to cut open a cake or bust a pinata or smash a watermelon in an alligator’s mouth to get those pink vs. blue results.

But progress is happening: states like Oregon, Washington, New York and California have passed laws officially recognizing a third gender, and gender variant characters are appearing in popular culture (one of our faves, Steven Universe, gets a shout-out in the video).

For some people, gender identity is a fixed constant, while others experience gender as a fluid and ever-changing experience. There’s no wrong answer and no wrong way to identify: everyone moves at their own personal velocity. If you want to learn more, check out resources like GLAAD, The Non-Binary Resource and the Trevor Project or reach out to your local LGBTQ center.

(via Lifehacker, image: screengrab)

Want more stories like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!

The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—


The Mary Sue is supported by our audience. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn a small affiliate commission. Learn more
related content
Read Article Gaten Matarazzo Shares Extremely Troubling Interaction With Older Fan
Gaten Matarazzo in a scene from Stranger Things
Gaten Matarazzo in a scene from Stranger Things
Gaten Matarazzo in a scene from Stranger Things
Read Article Here’s Why This K-Pop Act Is Selling Out Shows This Summer
ATEEZ all members in the Bouncy Music Video.
ATEEZ all members in the Bouncy Music Video.
ATEEZ all members in the Bouncy Music Video.
Read Article Let Glen Powell Play a Goofy Batman, You Cowards
Glen Powell at the Vanity Fair 2024 Oscars party
Glen Powell at the Vanity Fair 2024 Oscars party
Glen Powell at the Vanity Fair 2024 Oscars party
Read Article Twitter Users’ Compilation of the Greatest Tweets Is the Chronicle of Our Time
Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) breaks the fourth walls and laughs maniacally in 'The Shining.'
Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) breaks the fourth walls and laughs maniacally in 'The Shining.'
Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) breaks the fourth walls and laughs maniacally in 'The Shining.'
Read Article Richard Dreyfuss’ Alleged Transphobic, Sexist Rant Is Peak ‘Old Man Yells at Cloud’
Richard Dreyfuss looks confused at an event.
Richard Dreyfuss looks confused at an event.
Richard Dreyfuss looks confused at an event.
Related Content
Read Article Gaten Matarazzo Shares Extremely Troubling Interaction With Older Fan
Gaten Matarazzo in a scene from Stranger Things
Read Article Here’s Why This K-Pop Act Is Selling Out Shows This Summer
ATEEZ all members in the Bouncy Music Video.
Read Article Let Glen Powell Play a Goofy Batman, You Cowards
Glen Powell at the Vanity Fair 2024 Oscars party
Read Article Twitter Users’ Compilation of the Greatest Tweets Is the Chronicle of Our Time
Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) breaks the fourth walls and laughs maniacally in 'The Shining.'
Read Article Richard Dreyfuss’ Alleged Transphobic, Sexist Rant Is Peak ‘Old Man Yells at Cloud’
Richard Dreyfuss looks confused at an event.
Author
Chelsea Steiner
Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.