Donald Trump’s “Council to Reopen America” Reads Like a Sick Joke
I thought we all agreed to cancel April Fool's Day this year.
At Donald Trump’s press briefing Friday, he announced a plan to form an advisory council for reopening parts of the American economy that have been shuttered due to the coronavirus pandemic.
“I’m going to surround myself with the greatest minds,” [Trump] said in another marathon news conference at the White House. “We’re going to make a decision, and hopefully, it’s going to be the right decision.”
Trump and advisers must balance economic, social, public health and other priorities. The president was asked what metrics he would use in recommending when some places might begin to attempt to get back to normal.
“The metrics right here,” Trump said, pointing to his temple.
Trump announced his team today and, well, they’re just about what you would expect coming from those metrics.
I thought this was a joke at first pic.twitter.com/IdPjhQ5BPs
— Ben Adler (@badler) April 13, 2020
Yup, the people he’s chosen to balance our national economy with our health and safety are as follows (left to right, top to bottom):
–Trump’s Chief of Staff as of about eight days ago
–The former chief economist for Bear Stearns
—The guy behind Trump’s nationalistic trade policy
–A guy who, in January of 2020, said that the coronavirus outbreak in China would “accelerate the return of jobs to North America” and for whom “Controversies” is the longest section on his Wikipedia page.
If someone asked me to write a parody of who would be on Trump’s “Council to re-open America,” I couldn’t have come up with a list this good.
Trump put his daughter and son-in-law, who were elected to nothing, to lead the country out of the coronavirus outbreak? Beyond parody. pic.twitter.com/GQW0a43mCt
— Josh Jordan (@NumbersMuncher) April 13, 2020
The Council to Sacrifice American Lives in the Service of People Who Look Like the People on this Council pic.twitter.com/Qc2yUTO9G0
— Jason Kander (@JasonKander) April 13, 2020
not the choices i’d have gone with but ok pic.twitter.com/2wE3tkef6s
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) April 13, 2020
Don’t worry, everybody! We’re in great hands. Not the hands of doctors, scientists, or public health experts of any kind, but I’m sure this will be … something.
(image: Al Drago – Pool/Getty Images)
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