Conway Backs Says Transformers Monitoring Us ... I Think? | The Mary Sue
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Conway Backs Up Wiretap Claims by Saying Transformers Are Spying Through Microwaves … I Think?

More than meets the CIA.


The saga of Trump’s baseless wiretap claims against President Obama continues, and as we all know by now, his own absurd claims tend to set off a snowball effect wherein those who speak for him must say more and more ridiculous things to back him up. Over the weekend, that culminated in Trump Counsellor Kellyanne Conway asserting that we’re being spied on by our microwaves.

She also said, “Of course I don’t have any evidence for those allegations” of President Obama wiretapping Trump Tower, but insisted that’s why they’ve asked congress to make it part of their investigation into Russia’s election interference—as though investigations are frequently launched entirely without basis in fact. Her microwave comments, though, came in an interview with The Record columnist Mike Kelly, where she referenced the recent WikiLeaks information (that security experts find largely unsurprising) about CIA spying methods and then added a line about “microwaves that turn into cameras.”

There are uses for microwaves themselves—the actual waves, not the appliance—in imaging, but I sincerely doubt that’s what Conway was talking about. She probably also wasn’t talking about actual Transformers, either, but since the entire conversation on the wiretap claims is baseless nonsense anyway, that’s the world we choose to live in.

To be fair, I’ve always believed my microwave is out to get me, since it insists on heating my plates much more quickly than my food to sabotage me when retrieving my dinner. I’m glad to finally have confirmation on this from the White House. After all, microwaves are the perfect spy devices, since they’re incompatible with tinfoil and therefore circumvent even the most stringent security protocols. If my parents always told me not to look into the microwave while my food was cooking, does that mean they were secret agents all along? The people deserve to know.

(image via Paramount)

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Dan is many things, including a game developer, animator, martial artist, and at least semi-professional pancake chef. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (his dog), both of whom are the best.