Chevron Apologizes for Fracking Site Explosion With Free Pizza
Do oil spill victims at least get 5% off at Taco Bell?
In a single move, Chevron has managed to demonstrate that they are bad at apologies, public relations, and preventing explosions. After a deadly February 11 explosion at a fracking site near Bobtown, Pennsylvania, the corporation is giving out coupons for free pizza, because that’s how complacent Chevron thinks their consumer base is.
The citizens of Bobtown certainly deserve some sort of remediation for the explosion, although not one covered in cheese and sauce. One Chevron employee is still missing and presumed dead, while the fire created by the blast burned for five days and endangered the lives of countless rescuers. Residents of Bobtown say they are terrified of residual toxins left over from the inferno and claim this isn’t the first time that the fracking site has impacted their community.
As The Philadelphia Daily News explains, “Scores of neighbors have complained about polluted drinking water or foul odors or ailing pets and livestock, of headaches and nausea and skin rashes.”
So, in response to this barrage of accusations, Chevron has gifted 100 residents of Bobtown with a limited-time offer for a free “Special Combo” Pizza–one large pizza and a two-liter drink, to be redeemed before May 1st.
The bizzare coupons came attached to a more standard letter of apology, in which Chevron states that it:
recognizes the effect this has had on the community. We value being a responsible member of this community and will continue to strive to achieve incident-free operations. We are committed to taking action to safeguard our neighbors, our employees, our contractors and the environment…
Look, Chevron, I get it. Pizza is great. It’s a perfect combination of all the best foods, but not even the most blissful of carb comas will make consumers easily forget your cavalier attitude towards the dangers of fracking.
Pizza–especially Pennsylvanian pizza–is an unimaginably insulting response to a disaster that caused loss of life and great peril to a community. Pizza is what you give your buddies after they help you move, not how you distract a community from your unconscionable business practices.
It’s time for Chevron consumers to give the company a pizza–a pizza their mind. See what I did there?