Members of the scientific community … what makes a himbo?
Is it his brawn? Is it his heart? Is it his brain or lack thereof? Or is it something different? Something intangible? An invisible, fundamental force that governs all himbos?
While it may seem that the himbo phenomenon is primarily observed in Western media, this could not be further from the truth. After years of study (i.e. watching Crunchyroll) Himbologists have been able to pinpoint evidence of himbos across both Japanese animated media and anime-inspired works. The School of Himbology at The Mary Sue has recently published their findings, findings which I am about to enumerate, thereby subjecting them to peer review.
Let us begin.
Alex Louis Armstrong
Major Armstrong’s brawn is evident at first glance. His inherit kindness and sturdy moral compass caused himbometers everywhere to go haywire. As for his intelligence, the man has fewer social graces than the dumbells he lifts, and he frequently bursts into high emotional states at socially inappropriate times.
Milly Thompson
While himbologists had originally theorized that all himbos are male, Milly Thompson from Trigun turned this theory on its ear. Her preliminary himbo readings were nothing short of spectacular. While her clothes hide her musculature, Milly Thompson’s ability to carry a 50-caliber minigun hidden on her person at all times is proof of her strength. As for her sense of kindness, she is always willing to lend hero and outlaw alike a helping hand. Her inability to distinguish between the two is evidence of her lack of shrewd intellectual capabilities … that and her generally affable but absentminded demeanor.
Goku
Himbologists believe that Son Goku may actually have been the blueprint of the anime himbo. A “proto-himbo” if you will. Goku is one of the most powerful beings in all of anime and sports the same chiseled physique observed in other himbos. Goku is a kind man and does not hesitate to risk life and limb to save those that he loves. He also has the social skills of a bag of hammers. If he cannot punch it, eat it, or pat it lovingly on the head, he does not understand it. Himbologists have gone so far as to theorize that Kenergy is the source of his abilities and that his Kame-Hame-Ha attack is made up entirely of said force.
Kamina
Gurren Lagann‘s Kamina was observed early on as a candidate for himboism due to his penchant for exposing his well-muscled physique. While he is somewhat less emotionally sympathetic than other himbos on this list, himbologists attribute that aspect of his personality to his lack of intelligence. He cannot sympathize with what he does not understand. However, Kamina maintains both a love of humanity and a love for his little brother and will risk his life fighting for both.
Might Guy
When it comes to physical might, Naruto‘s Might Guy was named by legendary ninja Madara Uchiha as the greatest taijutsu user who ever lived. Might Guy is critically lacking in intelligence, and his emotionally labile nature often causes him to make a fool of himself in social situations. Nevertheless, his heart is pure, and he is able to resist the moral turpitude that claims so many battle-hardened Shinobi. Himbologists theorize that he may lack chakra entirely and that his ninja abilities come from his internal reserves of Kenergy.
Jonathan Joestar
While Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure has a slew of potential himbo candidates based on physique alone, the Joestar family progenitor Johnathan is the most likely candidate. His body falls squarely into the homoerotic ideal, making him an ideal himbo candidate. His kindness towards his family, his friends, and even his evil brother Dio allows us to positively identify that he has a himbo’s heart. Unlike his descendants, he lacks the intellectual shrewdness necessary to survive in combat and meets his end due to his inability to match the dirty tricks of enemies.
Bolin
While Sokka’s strategic and military intelligence calls his status of himbo into question, no such skepticism exists towards The Legend of Korra‘s Bolin. Bolin’s earthbender brawn allowed him to pursue a career as a film actor, and his noble heart ensures his position as the new Team Avatar’s moral compass. However, he lacks both social graces and strategic intelligence, preferring to simply solve his problems with telekinetically hurled rocks and poor attempts at flirtation.
Kyōjurō Rengoku
While himbologists originally theorized that the aesthetically beautiful and intellectually bankrupt Inosuke would be the resident himbo of Demon Slayer, readings indicated that he lacked the necessary skills of compassion to be considered a full-fledged himbo. Himbologists instead turned to flame Hashira Kyōjurō Rengoku, whose physical strength, generosity of spirit, and simpleminded adoration of well-prepared food made him the ideal candidate.
Monkey D. Luffy
At first glance, One Piece‘s Monkey D. Luffy lacks the physical characteristics necessary to achieve himbo classification, but like many aspects of the natural world, looks can be deceiving. After the time skip, Luffy is able to put on a considerable amount of lean muscle mass. On top of this, his Gear 2 and 3 transformations allow him to attain a marked augmentation of physical size. While Luffy is capable of cunning, he lacks the refined intelligence of other characters in the show, and his social skills have proven time and time again to be abysmal. However, the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates has a genuine love for his crewmates and does not hesitate to put his life on the line time and time again.
Saitama
After a strict daily training regimen of 100 pushups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a 10km run over the course of three years, Saitama gained the ability to pulverize any enemy with a single blow. Saitama is not what one would call an intelligent man, and spends most of his time looking for supermarket discounts and playing video games rather than pursuing matters of intellect. When it comes to kindness, however, the seemingly aloof Saitama in actuality possesses a kind heart. He saves the world from extinction-level threats time and time again, yet never asks for recognition or monetary compensation in return. Himbologists posit that he does these things simply because they are the right thing to do.
(featured image: Viz Media)
