Badass Doctor Stabs Shark, Stitches Up Legs, Drinks A Beer
What did you do this weekend?
A New Zealand man was attacked by a shark while spearfishing off the coast of New Zealand last Saturday, but he didn’t let a lacerated leg get in the way of a good time. It may sound like the start of a Dos Equis commercial, but that’s just how Dr. James Grant rolls!
Dr. Grant was enjoying the waters of
Middle Earth Colac Bay when he felt a tug on his leg and presumed one of the friends he was spearfishing with was pulling a prank. The level-headed heart throb (he’s obviously gorgeous, come on) says he “got a bit of a shock” when he realized the pressure on his leg was instead a shark.
Our Future Husband says that after thinking, “bugger, now I have to try and get this thing off my leg,” he stabbed the shark with a knife. (It is mandatory to always swim with a knife when getting your Doctorate in General Badassery.)
After swimming to shore, Grant discovered that he had sustained deep leg wounds in spite of his thick wetsuit. While his friends continued to fish, Grant sewed up his own cuts using a needle and thread from a first aid kit he had brought for his pig-hunting dogs.
Only after dripping blood on the pub floor during a post shark-fight pint with friends did Dr. Grant finally go to the hospital.
Ecologists believe Grant was likely bitten by a Sevengill Shark, which can grow up to ten feet and have been known to attack humans off the Southland and Otago coast of New Zealand. These incidences will likely decrease now that Dr.Grant has shown the sharks what the inside of a can of whoop-ass feels like.
The Doctor is back at work today and promises, “When the stitches come out I will be back in the water.” We tip our hats to Kiwis everywhere.
- This wouldn’t have happened if the shark had twitter
- Watch Tara Reid attempt to explain how sharks work
- Remember that time they found a shark on the subway?
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