A woman in a six-figure household says she accidentally donated $5. Then her husband’s reaction has one commenter writing ‘silent treatment is abuse’
“Mistakes should be mentioned once and that is it.”
A 29-year-old woman says she accidentally made a $5 donation during a mall trip, and the mistake left her and her husband not speaking for about a week. According to Daily Dot, she laid out the fight in a Reddit post on r/AITAH, noting that the two, both 29, had gone to shop for fall sweaters.
She says the pair has no kids, no debt and a combined yearly income in the $120,000 to $150,000 range, and that they usually save rather than shop often. He works in STEM and she works in corporate marketing, she adds, and he earns a little more. At checkout, she says, she tapped a card tied to an account they both fund for shared expenses and donated $5 without thinking. They do not usually buy clothes from that store, she notes.
She wrote that her husband threw a fit and told her the store does not “need” a $5 donation. She apologized repeatedly, she adds, and went online looking for a way to get the money back. In her words, it was “an honest mistake” that she thought was small enough to let go.
The $5 turned into a bigger fight
Her post says the clash grew into a wider argument about her needing to pay attention. Her husband, she says, is accusing her of being wasteful and not mindful with their money. Several commenters called the husband’s reaction out of proportion. “The silent treatment is abuse,” one commenter wrote. Another advised her to stop apologizing, writing, “He needs to be mature enough and learn how to communicate his feelings better.”
A third commenter wrote, “Mistakes should be mentioned once and that is it.” One commenter asked a different question: “Is there some big history of you spending money without thought he could be reacting against?” Money friction between partners comes up online often, as when a partner spent utility money on himself. Small moments around cost can also start debates between couples, as when a husband didn’t pay on a first date.
Experts say intent matters when a partner goes quiet. Psychologist Kia-Rai Prewitt, PhD, states in a Cleveland Clinic article that silence meant to control or punish someone, or to blame them for the other person’s behavior, is “abusive, period.” She adds that someone overwhelmed may shut down in what she calls “emotional flooding,” without meaning to cause harm.
Cleveland Clinic’s page states that frustration, anger, confusion and self-doubt are common reactions for the person being ignored. It also cites research linking social exclusion to pain-related brain activity. Prewitt states there is no “cookie-cutter way to respond” and advises weighing your goals and your safety.
Some people learned the behavior from their families, the page adds, and it is still unhealthy even when it is not abusive.
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