And it’s not going to look like this, either, so what’s the point?
We got our first look at the second film in the Spongebob franchise (the first came out in 2004, starred Jeffrey Tambor, and actually wasn’t that bad), Spongebob: Sponge Out Of Water, yesterday during the Paramount Pictures panel at Comic-Con. The film will begin in the animated style of the still-running cartoon but will transition into 3D characters interacting with live-action human actors as the gang journeys beyond their home in Bikini Bottom and into the real world—you know, kinda like like The Smurfs did. Everyone remembers what a good movie The Smurfs was, right? Right?
Here’s a look at the first poster for the film, which premieres on February 13th, 2015:
Oh. Oh no.
Even more egregious, though, are their superhero outfits, which they’ll apparently be using to “fight off a menace endangering beloved Bikini Bottom” (Just to be clear, if it’s a pollution metaphor or an oil spill or something, I will quit Earth):
Wait, what happened to their old superhero outfits from the show? Where’s the Quickster and the Elsatic Waistband? Where’s Captain Magma? Hell, where’s Sandy? If you’re going to make an unholy monstrosity of computer animation, the least you could do is show us the female characters, too.
Actually, if they can manage to work Pearl into the plot somewhere, I’ll take back everything I’ve already said about this film. Maybe she could get beached on the shore, I don’t know. Pearl’s the best. Make the whole movie just about Sandy, Pearl, and Miss Puff fighting crime, because I would legitimately pay to see that.