It’s said that the Amazons would cut or burn off their right breasts so that they could throw their javelins without pesky boobery getting in the way. So I feel completely comfortable in calling what’s happening with Germany’s Wachbataillon a “reverse Amazon.” Instead of lady soldiers losing a breast, these male soldiers are gaining one.
Yep. Dozens of German soldiers have started growing a left boob.
It happens, writes the German Herald (in a story called “Bra-Gade of Guards,” no less), because of a specific drill the Wachbataillon does, where they slap their heavy rifles against the left side of their chest. That stimulates the male mammary glands, causing them to produce hormones that in turn leads to the growth of a single boob on the left side.
Says Professor Bjorn Krapohl, director of plastic surgery at Berlin’s military hospital, “There is a very significant link between the activity in the Guard Battalion and the development of the breast on the left side… They need to change the way they drill. The constant slamming of the rifles against the left hand side of the chest is clearly a significant factor.”
74% of the Wachbataillon has been diagnosed with the condition, called one-sided gynecomastia, though I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s at least one guy who’s embarrassed about his new boob and is… keeping it close to his chest. HEY-O!
An army spokesperson says that “the affected soldiers are being medically supervised and treated individually,” and higher-ups in the German military have said they’ll research the condition and then decide whether the Wachbataillon’s drills should be changed.
Um, I’m going to say “yes” on that one. They should probably be changed. Just a thought.