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Hilarious Thing That Will Never Happen: Angelina Jolie Approached to Direct Fifty Shades of Grey Movie

We at The Mary Sue generally don’t cover stories about gossip and celebrities. No, we cover the stories, the storytellers, the artists, the creative minds of our generation and those of generations past. But this rumor about Angelina Jolie beng considered to direct a movie adaptation of the glorious Twilight fanfic smutfest Fifty Shades of Grey is hilarious. I mean, we know who Angelina Jolie is, right? The lady who made her directorial debut in a movie about the Bosnian war that was filmed in Bosnian and Serbo-Croatian, who generally spends her personal time in treehouses around the globe bringing the world’s attention to all the disasters we’ve been ignoring … yeah, that lady is probably not going to direct a BDSM movie. But let’s make fun of the people who think she might!

The Hollywood Reporter says (somewhat preciously, and I don’t mean to condescend, but hold on for just a second) that the idea of Jolie directing a film adaptation of E. L. James‘s erotic novel “would make some sense” because of the whole “strong female voice” thing. Now, while I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey, this it what I gather from it: this was originally a series of fanfic pieces based on the Twilight franchise (nothing wrong with that, no judgement from a girl who wrote a full-length Scream screenplay in high school). Because of the, ahem, adult content, some people complained that the author’s stories should probably distance itself from a young adult series, so she changed the characters names and published them on her own site. And then, she turned the stories into incredibly successful books.

Again, nothing wrong with that.

But Angelina Jolie, while she could totally have opened up Fifty Shades of Grey in a bookstore and been tickled by it (probably thinking, “Oh, those were the days”), is probably not putting this “crowd-pleaser” on her to-do list. With all due respect (to Fifty Shades), Jolie is in a different league than Fifty Shades. While Fifty Shades might even be not that bad as a movie, Jolie is in Oscar territory most of the time (save for The Tourist), and it’s doubtful that even if she was feeling frisky one day, she’d lend her efforts to something like this book. So … yeah. No. Not Angelina Jolie for this one.

I would, however, like to see a woman take on Fifty Shades of Grey, for sure. And you know who would be an even more hilarious choice than Jolie? Nancy Meyers. I think she’d be wonderful.

(via The Hollywood Reporter)

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  • Nikki Lincoln

    I also haven’t read it so correct me if I’m wrong – but due to the explicit nature, how would a movie work anyways? Is there enough of a plot otherwise to make up for what they would have to edit out for the general public or is there no way this could be made with out being an “adult” video?

  • Anonymous

    Guilty of skimming the first 50 or so pages and then flipping to the dirty parts. I would NOT ever consider the Grey series to have a strong female voice (unless you considered Twilight’s character of Bella as “strong.” Personally, I found the whole thing boring. I even got bored with the “raunchy” sex which really just was the same M.O each time. I hope Jolie laughed and laughed and laughed and then sent a polite letter that explained she was a touch too busy getting nominated for Oscars. I would be SO disappointed if she went for it.

  • Anonymous

    Agreed. How would this even be possible without being rated NC-17 or even X?

  • Null

    They made Secretary.

  • ainok

    They need to get the guy who made Manos: the Hands of Fate to direct it. I realize he’s dead, but I don’t think that would affect the quality too much.

  • Nikki Lincoln

    Ah, was that a book first? I guess the don’t-show-anything-explicit-but-you-can-kind-of-assume-it angle works. 

  • Anonymous

    Same reason they’ll never make a  movie of Kushiel’s Dart.  :(

  • Adam R. Charpentier

    Wait, wait, wait. Secretary had a PLOT. 50 Shades is just musings on how you can move the handsome man spanking you from his expensive bedroom to his expensive jet for more spankings. If that’s plot then Batman XXX and Star Wars XXXX qualify as well.

    Side note: three women sitting in front of me on a fight to San Francisco this morning were all reading it…I couldn’t help but be nosy (I usually lean over to see the titles of books people around me are reading so that I can judge them and if I am alone in this then you are all liars) but I couldn’t help but read a little further…

    My inner goddess…yeesh.

  • Anonymous

    “The Hollywood Reporter says…that the idea of Jolie
    directing a film adaptation of E. L. James‘s erotic novel ‘would make some sense’ because of the whole ‘strong female voice’ thing…”

    Well, of course.

    Sometimes, I just want to give up and weep. ::sigh::

  • Life Lessons

    Thanks for supporting Angelina Jolie. I think she is quite awesome. 

  • Riley Sailer

    Can I read your Scream screenplay? Please?