Allow Us to Explain
Whenever we hear about a movie being remade, or a book being turned into a movie that probably should just be left alone, or a TV show that has no business being made into a movie, the next thing we do, after swallow a small amount of bile, is wonder who will be cast in this abomination. Sometimes, you luck out (see: J.J. Abrams' Star Trek). But sometimes, you cringe at the thought of who might be stepping into a role (see: M. Night Shyamalan's Avatar: The Last Airbender), or what childhood memories would be crushed next (21 Jump Street). But what's even more offensive is when Hollywood tries to twist an adaptation into something it just shouldn't be, or tries to blatantly pander to the lowest common denominator by casting a big name who in no way is able to carry the weight of a role. Sometimes it seems that Hollywood not only doesn't care about the fans of what it's adaptation (almost always the case), but is actively trying to offend them. And sometimes it's fun, in a sadistic way, to come up with the worst case scenario. It's like... inoculating yourself against later sickness. Allow us to present a list of possible movies and the worst case scenario casting that could take place. We're going with ideas that, as far as we know, are not actually going through the heads of Hollywood executives at the moment. And heaven help us all if they do, and they end up invading our movie theaters like a flesh-eating virus. We warn you: This is going to hurt, and you're going to be greatly offended. But just remind yourself: it's not actually happening. (Yet.) (As far as we know.) Hollywood doesn't actually purposefully try to adapt good ideas into bad movies; we're just showing some simulated results of what would happen if they did. Hollywood? Stop reading now. No, seriously, we don't want to get blamed for this later. It's not that we want any of these things to happen. It's just that we watch you Hollywood, and we notice patterns. And sometimes we like to laugh at our own pain. We don't often institute challenges like this on the site but for this grid it applies: you rage, you lose.