Who Cares What Shoes People Are Wearing in the White House??

The New York Times has been full of questionable article choices lately.

The paper is apparently choosing to take a brief break from its ongoing attacks on transgender Americans to do a little pearl-clutching over political decorum, publishing what is essentially a glorified “WHAT ARE THOSE” meme in its style section. And listen, I love a good meme BUT NOT IN THE NEW YORK TIMES. THAT’S LIKE LOGGING IN TO CNN AND FINDING AN ARTICLE ABOUT THICC ANIME THIGHS AND HOW THEY SAVE LIVES.

For those who are unfamiliar with meme culture, “what are those” is a classic meme from the glory days of Vine, where a man filming an on-duty police officer screams “WHAT ARE THOSE” at the cop’s questionable footwear. It’s hilarious, and spurred a Renaissance of memers filming their friends’ ugly shoes while shouting the phrase.

Now it seems like the style team at the NYT have decided to get meme-freaky themselves, and are whatarethosing Senator Mitch McConnell and Representative Hakeem Jeffries for wearing semi-casual footwear while meeting with Biden in the Oval Office. The article, titled “Do Dress Sneakers Belong in the Oval Office?” even quoted a Twitter-famous footwear commentator weighing in on the scene, and got a quote from the style director of GQ saying the footwear choice was “awful”.

Referencing a similar sartorial choice made by members of the cast of Ted Lasso when they recently visited the Oval Office, another Twitter political commentator said—apparently in earnest!—that the shoe choice was a sign that “this country is going to hell“. And, like, YES. IT IS GOING TO HELL. WE HAVE DRAG BANS. BANS ON GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS. MASS SHOOTINGS. RISING INFLATION. LOW WAGES. A HOUSING CRISIS. JOBLESSNESS. HOUSELESSNESS. A 1% THAT JUST KEEPS GETTING WEALTHIER AS WAGES STAGNATE. AND WE NARROWLY AVOIDED A COLLAPSE OF THE ENTIRE AMERICAN ECONOMY BECAUSE CONGRESS WASN’T ABLE TO GET ITS SHIT TOGETHER AND RAISE THE DEBT CEILING UNTIL THE 11TH HOUR. AND Y’ALL WANNA TALK ABOUT SHOES!? YOU’RE THE NEW YORK TIMES. SHOULDN’T YOU BE BETTER THAN THIS?

Years ago, I would have thought that clickbaity articles like this were beneath The New York Times. Apparently not. This article may have appeared in the paper’s style section but all it does is unnecessarily hold up some archaic norms we couldn’t possibly care less about.

Listen NYT, I think it would be better for all of us if you decided to focus on reestablishing your grasp of real journalism and leave the internet bullshit articles to the internet bullshit professionals …

A.k.a. people like me …

AND NOW, A SHOE REVIEW OF THE OVAL OFFICE MEETING.

Coming in hot we’ve got Mitch McConnell with a footwear monstrosity that screams “put me in coach” on the bottom and “help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” on the top. This show is part basketball sneaker and part grandad’s orthopedic sneaker. 2 stars out of 10. I think that Mitch would have looked better in crocs.

Meanwhile, we’ve got Hakeem Jefferies whose foot soles are so white that I can actually HEAR them asking the server for more mayonnaise. Meanwhile the top of the shoe is this weird rubbery texture that almost LOOKS like a hard dress shoe in the way that the 17-year-old trying to get into the club with their fake ID almost looks like a legal adult if you cock your head to the side and squint. And he’s compounded this disaster by adding striped socks to the fit. His shoes are talking louder than the people in the room. It’s not cute. Not as bad as McConnell, but not cute. 5 out of 10.

Meanwhile, Biden is holding it down with some classic black dress shoes and sensible black socks. His shoes don’t draw attention to themselves, rather they compliment the outfit that he is already wearing. That’s what a good shoe should do. And listen, sometimes a goofy-ass shoe CAN add to an outfit, but only if that outfit is particularly whacky itself. Think of Sora’s iconic clown loafers from the Kingdom Hearts series. Iconic. But only because he’s wearing more belts and buckles and straps and leather than a dungeon dominatrix. Biden’s shoes are perfectly fine. Not phenomenal, but acceptable. 7 out of 10. He loses points for wearing a navy (I think it’s navy?) dress sock to match his suit instead of his shoe. Should have matched the black shoe. Always match the shoe.

As for Kamala, classic black pumps? 10 out of 10. Even if the apparently shoulder-padded tracksuit-looking jacket is a little questionable.

(featured image: Alex Wong/Getty Images)