Hey doc, it’s me again.
Listen, I took your advice. I stopped trying to grow cordyceps fungus in my apartment. I still think that it’s a really science project, especially if I can engineer it to infect human hosts. But I also understand that it might not be a “step in the right direction towards wellness” or whatever you said at our last session. I mean I’ve even stopped listening to the new Bjork album that’s all about fungus. I think that really shows that I’m trying to take my recovery seriously, don’t you?
Listen, I get that a college career spent breaking into people’s dorm rooms and trying to put mushrooms in their ears was not exactly what many would call “healthy,” even if I would have totally gotten an incredible grade from my professor (after I had infected him too, I mean). But honestly, I’m happy that I was expelled. Now that I don’t have to take silly elective math classes, I can focus all of my time on my research. And I think something that would really help take my research to the next level would be for you to tell me where I can watch The Last Of Us. I think it’s a show that would really inspire me to pursue more avenues of fungal – I mean personal – growth.
So how do I watch it?
Listen doc, because I KNOW that you are listening at the answering machine right now, I NEED THIS. I GET that you said you’re not technically my therapist any more after I tried to acquaint you with some of my samples but you are the closest thing I have to any sort of human connection that I have. So c’mon, in the name of all that is mycological, do it for me.
FINE. BE THAT WAY.
There is only one solution now. I must use the vast intellect of the world’s great fungal networks to acquire the knowledge I seek. And I must do it by truly becoming one with my test subjects. That is why I have wired electrodes from my brainstem to my fungus collection itself. It has taken me long and long to decipher their ancient language of rot and decay. But I think I am close. Closer than I have ever been. I can hear their voices speaking to me now. They speak of mold. Of decomposition. Of death slow and creeping. They speak with the voices of the forest floor. The Great Old Growth Ones. The Crawling Chaos of the Fungaloid Dark. Eee-yah! Eee-yah! They are singing now! Of strange microbials that slither and stew in the waterlogged abyss of my own mind! A mighty mycological chorus that proclaims in one voice:
You can watch The Last Of Us on HBO Max…
Or by signing up for Hulu…
Or by adding the HBO Max channel Amazon’s Prime Video…
Or outside of your window, when your research is complete…
(Featured Image: HBO)
