Skip to main content

Welp, There Go Our Hopes of Seeing Matt Gaetz Go to Prison

At least for THIS alleged crime...

Matt Gaetz walks down a hallway, looking at the camera.

For those of us who have found comfort throughout GOP Rep. Matt Gaetz’s far-right “Florida man” reign of terror in Congress by reminding ourselves that he was under investigation for allegedly violating federal underage sex trafficking and prostitution laws, and that he might soon go to jail for a long, long time—well, it’s a sad day to be us. 

The Department of Justice notified Matt Gaetz’s lawyers, as well as the lawyers for witnesses in the case, on Wednesday that he will not be charged in this long-running investigation, according to a source working with CNN. Well goddamnit. I am not excited to see his loafy little face running around still free and gloating during the next meeting of the House Judiciary Committee. 

“We have just spoken with the DOJ and have been informed that they have concluded their investigation into Congressman Gaetz and allegations related to sex trafficking and obstruction of justice and they have determined not to bring any charges against him,” Gaetz’s lawyers, Marc Mukasey and Isabelle Kirshner, said in a statement. 

Late last year it started to look like Gaetz might not be charged with the alleged crimes, after the credibility of key witnesses was called into question. In one case, a key witness and cooperator in the case against Gaetz was allowed to proceed to sentencing, which undermined the DOJ’s position against Gaetz. “Those who told lies about Rep. Matt Gaetz are going to prison, and Rep. Matt Gaetz is going back to Congress to continue fighting for America,” the Congressmen’s spokesmen said back in September. 

And Sidebar: CNN’s coverage on Wednesday described the accusations against Gaetz as, “allegations that the congressman violated federal law by paying for sex, including with women who were younger than 18 years old,” and I am just so mad about that. Sex with a “woman” under 18 years old? I think you meant to say “assaulting a child,” CNN.

Gaetz, who has consistently claimed innocence, is also well known for being a Trump lackey, inserting himself uninvited into the #freebritney movement, and insulting the physical appearance of pro-choice activists. “Why is it that the women with the least likelihood of getting pregnant are the ones most worried about having abortions?” he said to a crowd at a rally last year. “Nobody wants to impregnate you if you look like a thumb.”

Well, do you know what I have to say to you, Congressman Gaetz? Dropped charges do not necessarily mean not guilty. We’re watching you.

(featured image: Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

Have a tip we should know? [email protected]

Filed Under:

Follow The Mary Sue: