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Twitter Users Are Compiling the Funniest Tweets of All Time Before Twitter Dies

Teeth, teeth, TEETH, TEETH, TEETH!

The Twitter logo is seen on a phone in this photo illustration in Washington, DC, on July 10, 2019. - Twitter is moving to filter out inappropriate content based on religion as part of its effort to curb hate speech. In a policy update on July 9, 2019, Twitter said it would take down "dehumanizing language" that targets specific religious groups.Examples shown by Twitter that would be removed would be description of a members of a religion as "disgusting" or "filthy animals." (Photo by Alastair Pike / AFP) (Photo credit should read ALASTAIR PIKE/AFP via Getty Images)

Welp, Twitter had a good run, but now that Elon Musk has completed his purchase of the social media platform, it looks like everything is going to hell. Musk, a self-proclaimed “free speech absolutist,” has already fired several executives and looks set to reverse the ban of human garbage fire Donald Trump. He’s also taken the company private, and rumor has it that he’s planning on job cuts. As our Vivian Kane points out, Twitter has always been a cesspool, but it was our cesspool. Now it’s Musk’s cesspool. Pack your bags and get out while you can.

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Still, there were some bright spots on Twitter. Remember how people would fire off amazing one-liners that left you doubled over in laughter? Like, nestled between all the antisemitic memes and misogynist rants, there’d be a really banger joke that brightened your day and reminded you that the site had something good to offer?

Well, NBC reporter Ben Collins launched a thread to give all those jokes one last hurrah, before the site becomes nothing but a breeding ground for fascist trolls and we all have to hightail it.

Here are some of the absolute best tweets that people have shared in the thread so far. Don’t drink any beverages while you’re reading these, unless you want them coming out your nose.

Smashed Mcdouble (that’s my new band name, btw)

Mr. Peanut

This here ah, Bowsuh charactuh …

A Paris review

The formatting of the screenshot of this tweet was weird, so I pulled the original for your convenience. Trust me, though, it was in the thread.

Comrade Not a Cop

Sowing vs. reaping

Please, my wets

Roger Stone sucks so bad

Dog in a trenchcoat


Our vast, great nation

Moon’s haunted

Rapping about Patrick Swayze

Remember that these are the best tweets compiled by the people who happen to follow this one guy, so there are surely vast, untapped oceans of more side-splitting tweets. What’s your favorite tweet of all time? Let us know in the comments!

(featured image: ALASTAIR PIKE/AFP via Getty Images)

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Julia Glassman
Julia Glassman (she/her) holds an MFA from the Iowa Writers' Workshop, and has been covering feminism and media since 2007. As a staff writer for The Mary Sue, Julia covers Marvel movies, folk horror, sci fi and fantasy, film and TV, comics, and all things witchy. Under the pen name Asa West, she's the author of the popular zine 'Five Principles of Green Witchcraft' (Gods & Radicals Press). You can check out more of her writing at <a href=""></a>

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