[Editor’s Note: Catch up on the rest of my Twin Peaks newbie recaps here!]
Episode 19: “The Black Widow”
Bobby returns to Benjamin’s office to find all his office furniture piled on top of each other. He’s listened to the blackmail tape and asks what Bobby wants. But instead, gives him a job to do? Bobby you are terrible at this whole blackmail thing. He asks him to follow Hank and then we cut to Teen Witch running down the hall of the hotel, screaming.
Agent Cooper is going to look at two houses in the area with a real estate agent. She shows him someplace called “Dead Dog Farm” so of course he’s intrigued! Dick comes to the station to meet Nicky’s case manager…
She reveals his parents were killed under mysterious circumstances, and well, he might very well be cursed.
Back at the Great Northern, Dougie is found dead among a bunch of surprising sex items. Mayor Dwayne Milford says sex with his brother’s new wife was the murder weapon. He tells Teen Witch she’ll burn in hell and… calls her a witch (LOL) and that she’s cursed. Hawk has a moment of puffing his chest for her and then proceeds to fall in the door frame.
The wrestling coach at the high school is telling the kids Nadine has a right to compete. And I swear there is literally no one looking after the safety of kids in Twin Peaks. Mike is asked to demonstrate some moves and the coach does nothing to help as Nadine goes Nadine on him. Mike proceeds to ask Donna for help in this situation and she’s basically
Back to Evelyn’s house, aka the Most Boring Place in the World, her brother Malcolm meets James for the first time and tells him Jeffrey beats her often. Oh. Lovely. In retaliation, she breaks his cars and stuff regularly.
At “Dead Dog Farm” real estate agent Irene explains the old legend of the place. How the best and the worst are drawn there and only the purest of heart can feel its pain. Hmm, this sounds familiar. Agent Cooper notices other cars have been there recently and they both find the house open, a meeting took place there not long ago.
So… is this the White Lodge??
Meanwhile, Dick is trying to figure out how to change a tire and he and Nicky are wearing adorable matching outfits. But as he’s messing around. the car almost falls on him, and Nicky seemingly cares? Agent Cooper goes to see Sheriff Harry who is meeting with Col. Riley who is looking into Briggs’ disappearance. He asks Agent Cooper if there were any owls around at the time of the incident. Yes, yes there were. But when he and Harry attempt to lay their cards out about aliens and such, Riley tells them to “Get your facts straight.” The messages about Cooper were from the woods, not space. WHAAAAAAAA. Cooper asks about the White Lodge and Riley says that’s “classified.” God dammit!
Evelyn tells James to mind his own business when he inquires about her domestic situation. JAMES YOU’RE THE WORST. He then kisses her but oh, oh, Jeffrey is back! At the hotel, Audrey and Bobby have a brief exchange about his situation with Benjamin. Apparently he’s on payroll. Bobby, once again, that is not blackmail. He tries to kiss Audrey who’s like, yeah right, and she goes into the secret passage while Bobby finds Benjamin with little toy soldiers and his Gettysburg diorama.
Catherine and Peter celebrating which is a little odd considering she’s not using Josie as veritable slave. Catherine even gives her a rough time while she’s serving them but Peter does pipe up and says she’s family.
Agent Cooper tells Diane he had his chess latest move printed in the paper but Windum anticipated his response. Perfectly. Spooooopy. Audrey stops by to give Agent Cooper the photos of Jean Renault, Ernie, Hank, and the Mounty that Bobby had taken when Denise stops by and she’s super impressed/jealous. “They have women agents?” she asks. “More or less,” says Denise before Audrey decides to lay a big kiss on Cooper before leaving. Which begs Denise’s question, “How old is that girl?”
At the R&R, Big Ed and Norma talk history and Hank sees holding hands. Dick stops by the police station to see Andy of all people. On the hush-hush he says he thinks Nicky is the devil. And now I understand WTF this GIF was in our media library recently…
Dr. Hayward says Dougie died of natural causes and his brother will not accept it. “She won’t get his money!!” he screams as Teen Witch, aka The Widow Milford, gets an audience of all the men at the police station. Hawk attempts to pull her away but they all wind up back in Sheriff Harry’s office where Lucy finds them completely captivated. OMG IS SHE ACTUALLY A WITCH?!!?
Denise confronts Ernie with the pictures from Bobby/Audrey and her DEA badge. He quickly confesses but says he was held at gunpoint… Agent Cooper wants details but he’s so scared he’s barely able to give them. Denise says she’ll go undercover as a drug seller in a sting operation. Back in snooze-town, James hears a fight, Evelyn’s brother says he’ll kill Jeffrey one day. Ok why don’t you.
Bobby goes home and finds his mom sitting in the dark (next to an owl lamp, I might add). She’s missing her husband dearly but then… HOLY SHIT HE’S BACK BUT IN A DIFFERENT OUTFIT. Possibly something from the 1920s? “How long have I been gone?” he asks and they tell him two days. He said it seemed shorter and also, that everything is definitely not all right.
SPACE… the final frontier. Ok, shut up, that’s the vibe I got from this bizarro opening sequence but seriously, Holy crap WTF? Major Briggs undergoing regression therapy? GIANT OWL. Radioactive symbol on his neck. This is out of control. He tells Dr. Hayward, Sheriff Harry, and Agent Cooper about Project Blue Book. It was apparently something with the Air force investigating UFOs but officially disbanded in 1969. Some continued investigating non-officially. Just as he starts talking about the White Lodge, another officer comes in with orders from Col. Riley that he should basically shut up now. The sprinkler in the room drips water on the photo of the scar they just took.
Ernie is with Denise to set up the buy and he can’t control his sweating. Andy walks in to the station to find Dick in his “undercover” outfit. He says Nicky’s records are sealed and they should try and find out more. Lucy has been looking for more chess moves for Cooper but nothing so far. Big Ed slips Norma a note that they need to talk and Hank is super suspicious.
Bobby doesnt want to deal with Leo anymore and tells Shelly he’s not coming back. She slaps him. James gives Big Ed a call, wants him to take out money from his savings for him. Evelyn overhears this and presses him for why he left Twin Peaks and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Nadine finds Mike at R&R. He really can’t get rid of her.
She kisses him forcibly and no one says a word. Sheriff Harry comes to see Josie and wants to know what happened. She thinks she’s no good for him. They go in for a deep makeout session. Get a room, you two!
Audrey sees a girl running from Benjamin’s office distraught and finds that he’s back at the reenactments. They’ve taken over his entire office. She actually wants to save the business so she puts in a call to Jerry. Ernie is getting wired for the sting as Sheriff Harry deputizes Agent Cooper so he can help. They are super cute about this whole thing. Denise decides to “dress down” for the occasion. Andy Dick break into orphanage. A couple looking for a child interrupts. Dicks tells them he’s dead… tired.
Big Ed and Norma have a reunion and their own makeout session. This is getting heavy. Donna stops by to see Ed to try and find James. He tells her where he was supposed to send the money and she says she’ll take it. Oh sure, that’s a fine idea. Suddenly! Hank is just THERE. BIG FIGHT!
Benjamin has just completely lost it now and suddenly Bobby isn’t so sure about his new money making opportunity. He tells Benjamin he’ll go talk to President Lincoln. Catherine stops by and I think, “boy, is she in for a treat” when… she starts romancing him again?? I bet it was Pete’s poor use of a limerick earlier that did it.
Meanwhile James and Evelyn are celebrating the fixed car with champagne. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Post-coital James is sound asleep and Evelyn sneaks outside to meet her brother who asks “How’s our baby boy?” And then they… make out? I can’t even.
The stakeout has the buyers wondering where Hank is. Oh, you know, knocked the FUCK OUT. Anyway, because Ernie is so nervous Jean finds the wire and holds Ernie and Denise hostage. Agent Cooper trades himself for them as more police arrive. But Jean is willing to let them all die because of his brother’s death. Also, he blames Agent Cooper’s arrive for all of Twin Peaks changing. “If you die, maybe you will be the last to die? Maybe you brought the nightmare with you?” he says. Hmm. I suppose it’s something to consider. Denise puts on a waitress uniform to get inside and uses the ol’ gun in the garter trick which allows Cooper to shoot Jean. Jean is dead, baby. Jean is dead.
Shelly’s power is going in and out, which is scary enough, but then she finds a creepy clown where Leo should be. And then.
Back at the station Lucy is trying to explain that there was some explosion, the power is out at the station. Agent Cooper investigates and finds a dead body. It’s a chess game, Windum’s next move. THE HORROR!!!!!!!!
(captioned screecaps courtesy of TwinPeaksCaptioned.tumblr.com)
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