This Thread Expertly Breaks Down the Real-World Logistics of Fighting in a Ball Gown

We’re all about the intersection between entertainment fashion and real-world practicality when it comes to costumes for female characters, especially when we’re talking about armor and other battle attire. (Wonder Woman Amazons, anyone?)

Fantasy author Melissa Caruso posted a lengthy Twitter thread yesterday tackling the practical logistics of fighting in ball gowns. She used Disney Princesses to illustrate her points, but this is handy information for anyone who may happen to need to kick some ass whilst attending a formal event.

First of all, Caruso promises it is possible to swordfight in a gown. She says she’s “been fighting in dresses (with, admittedly, foam weapons, but range of movement issues should be pretty similar) for many many years.”

But not all ballgowns are created equal when it comes to fighting. Some are much more practical than others, but the details of what makes a good fighting outfit may be surprising.

First of all, let’s talk skirts! They aren’t necessarily as much of a problem as you’d think. (Witness all the cultures where robes or skirts or big swooshy pants are part of the standard warrior garb.)

Let’s look at a classic: Cinderella’s dress. pic.twitter.com/YjesRG8CtA

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

Caruso says it’s not actually volume that’s a problem. A big fluffy skirt is actually good for defense, as “all those petticoats could block or tangle a light slash. And the underlayers that make the skirt poofy (crinoline, etc) are also holding it away from your legs.”

Rather, the problem with these gowns is their length.

Your chances of tripping on your skirt if you have to backpedal are high. It’s also easy to step on your skirt on a lunge, which is just…embarrassing. Does not end well.

I have done both of these things, and let me tell you, I did not look dashing or escape unscathed.

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

However, an ankle length skirt actually is pretty good! You want a light, full, ankle length skirt with lots of room to move in, ideally. Rapunzel’s is very fightable. pic.twitter.com/zdw7vfVahJ

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

Still, she says, the skirts aren’t the problem. The problem is those damn Disney sleeves.

Take a look at Aurora’s fabulous color-changing dress, which may be the very worst Disney Princess gown for fightability.

Seriously, that spindle is the least of your problems, girl. pic.twitter.com/qcqxZzttFX

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

Off the shoulder + tight at the shoulder = good luck lifting your arms higher than drink-holding level.

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

I never realized just how many Disney Princesses had off-the shoulder, arm-restricting sleeves. Aurora, Belle, Jasmine, and Ariel (in her human form; I don’t know about sword fighting underwater) would all have a hell of a time holding their own in a fight.

You don’t have the range of motion or flexibility you need to fight, and the off-the-shoulder thing is going to get in the way bigtime.

(This is why Jasmine’s outfit sucks to fight in even though she wears pants. Good luck moving your arms in those sleeves.) pic.twitter.com/NPU422G3Ws

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

“You want sleeves that have range of motion in the shoulder,” she says. “Puffy or dangly sleeves are okay so long as they don’t dangle too much on your wrist or forearm, in which case circular motions can wrap them around your arm.” And a bit of spontaneous problem-solving is helpful.

The top reason I love Merida is because she runs into the sleeves-too-tight problem and SOLVES IT during that archery scene near the beginning with her awesome seam-ripping flex. This is spot-on. This is what your heroine should do if she has to fight in a dress like this. pic.twitter.com/jCglE25nYf

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

Corsets aren’t the problem you’d think they’d be. Sure, you can’t bend over, but it’s not that different from a man’s breastplate. (Although she mentions in a separate thread that “corset fightability depends on the period &/or style of corset.”)

Purses and (unfortunately) cloaks are much bigger problems.

So! If you’re attending a ball and you suspect you may be a novel heroine, remember:

Full mobility sleeves without too much dangly stuff
No floor-length skirts (or train, ugh)
No cloak (doff it for effect!)
Poofy skirts fine (but not in heavy underbrush)
Corsets fine

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

I have to say, I’m liking the odds of my Disney fave, Meg. Those are some sturdy shoulder straps. (Although I admit she may need to tear a slit or two in that skirt.)

Plus, she’s got her hair secured, which may or may not be an issue, depending on what kind of fighting we’re talking about.

Caveat: I only do swordfighting, not unarmed combat. I am pretty sure that having any kind of loose hair is a MUCH bigger problem if you’re in close-quarters combat. I wouldn’t want anything grabby hanging off me in that case. pic.twitter.com/ZlUecw8VJ0

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) February 1, 2018

Look, I’m not sure exactly when I may need this information, but I’m still glad to have it.

Remember all this, and be ready to rip your seams if you have to, and you’ll be able to dance with the villain AND duel him later. pic.twitter.com/iiZvL5JK2n

— Melissa Caruso (@melisscaru) January 31, 2018

Check out Caruso’s entire thread here, or her entire timeline for what has evolved into bevy of sub-threads.

(via Twitter, image: Disney/Pixar)

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