Dimestore politicians just can’t catch a break. Let’s hope they keep fumbling.
Vaccine conspiracy theorist, anti-Semite, and Democratic candidate hopeful Robert F. Kennedy Jr. had one of his press dinners devastated by a particularly long and loud fart. Meanwhile, conservative Christian candidate Frank LaRose kicked off his campaign announcement call to supporters with an NSFW song from the musical comedy duo Garfunkel and Oates. As the Ohio Secretary of State announced his candidacy to hundreds of Republican supporters, G&O’s bop “The Loophole” began playing in the background.
The song starts out sweetly enough, with the singers proclaiming “All my life I’ve been good/do what my mom and dad and God say I should” and taking pride in the fact that they wear a purity ring. But the song quickly devolves into a farce, as G&O realize that they can still keep their “morals” along with their “hymen intact” if they jump right to “fifth base”, so they sing “f*ck me in the ass ’cause I love Jesus”. Check out the hilarious music video below, but be advised: it is extremely NSFW!
I don’t think that premarital anal sex is one of Frank LaRose’s campaign values, but you never know! The song played for a FULL MINUTE as campaign staffers chalked it up to “mild technical difficulties.” LaRose himself interjected, begging the several hundred local GOP leaders to “mute their lines.” The call was placed on hold for 40 seconds and the crisis appeared to be averted. 20 seconds later, chaos ensued. Just as a LaRose was paying homage to GOP leaders and “grassroots Republican activists”, the song’s chorus referencing anal sex as “the sex God can’t see” blasted through the call again.
“We don’t really know [how the interruption happened]” LaRose’s campaign spokesman Ben Kindel told The New York Post. “It really could have been anything. It was really just a minor thing at the beginning, and Secretary LaRose went on to talk to his outpouring of supporters.” Kindel went on to say that he didn’t believe the song was the work of “some sophisticated hacker,” but I beg to differ. A gag of this magnitude is the pinnacle of sophistication. When asked whether or not he believed the song was an attack on LaRose’s religious beliefs, Kindel said he hoped “somebody isn’t targeting him because of his faith.” No one is targeting LaRose because of his faith, my friend. They’re targeting him because of the f*cked up things Republican candidates impose on American society because of their faith. Namely, limiting the reproductive rights of women and denying the right of trans people to exist. And there aren’t any “loopholes” around that.
(via The New York Post, featured image: screenshot/Garfunkel and Oates)
