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Things We Saw Today: Steve Martin and Martin Short Give Us the Christmas Carol Sketch We Didn’t Know We Needed

God bless us, every one.

Martin Short as Scrooge and Steve Martin as the Ghost of Christmas Present

Christmas is just around the corner, and so Martin Short and Steve Martin came together on SNL this Saturday to remind us of the true meaning of the holiday: maiming street urchins with coins! That’s right. Short, as Scrooge, and Martin, as the Ghost of Christmas Present, gave us a new horrifying and hilarious spin on the Dickens’ classic story A Christmas Carol. Except in their version, there is a lot more blood. And a lot more screaming. You can watch the entire sketch below:

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In much less delightful news, The New York Times reported today that public schools have been working with the military and increasing the amount of students that they are mandatorily enrolling in ROTC classes. The goal is to increase enlistment numbers that have been steadily dropping in recent years (gee I wonder why) and ROTC classes are one tactic for bumping those numbers up because it has been proven that at least 44-50% of students in ROTC will go on to enlist after graduation. Of course, this being America, the schools that are the most targeted for both ROTC programs and mandatory enrollment are schools with a majority Black or POC student body.

Even Congressman Ted Lieu, who is a veteran himself, condemned the practice. As he should! We do not stan conscription, indoctrination, and the military industrial complex in this house! – The New York Times.

Speaking of upsetting things, Patti LaBelle’s concert in Milwaukee was interrupted and cut short last night when someone called in a bomb threat. Security quickly ushered a confused Patti LaBelle off stage and the auditorium was evacuated safely. But still I must say, what the hell? And also, how dare they (they being whoever was responsible for this.) At least our national treasure is safe.

In adorable news, Jamie Lee Curtis and Colin Farrell interviewed each other for Variety about sobriety and their lengthy acting legacies. It’s a charming read, but the internet exploded in delight when Variety released their exchange about the famous rock scene from Everything, Everywhere, All At Once.

This just confirms my belief that Colin Farrell is a precious cinnamon roll who must be protected at all costs. – Variety

And finally, it’s time for our dose of “How is Elon Musk Ruining Twitter Today?” And the answer is two-fold. First, he tweeted this baffling attempt at “comedy:”

What crime does he think Fauci committed? Aside from garbage anti-vaxx conspiracies… oh right. He believes those. More importantly, does anyone on the right understand what pronouns are or how to construct a joke? Methinks the answer is no.

He also confirmed a rumor that tweet lengths were going to be expanded from 280 characters to… 4000. Yes. FOUR THOUSAND.

If his goal is to make Twitter unusable, which it seems to be, that is definitely a solid step down that path. Twitter is not a blog for a reason Musk! Go buy Reddit or something and leave us alone!

(Image: SNL)

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Brittany is a lifelong Californian (it's a big state, she can't find her way out!) who currently resides in sunny Los Angeles with her gigantic, vaguely cat-shaped companion Gus. If you stumble upon her she might begin proselytizing about Survivor, but give her an iced coffee and she will calm down.