A man and woman sit in their kitchen, smiling over letters that say "DNA results."

The Incest in That Edible Arrangements Ad Could Be Worse

I hate to break it to you...

So there’s this Edible Arrangements (now just Edible) ad that came out a few weeks ago, and it’s all about incest. I don’t mean that you could technically read it as incest, like that old Folger’s commercial. I mean the whole point of the ad is that you should order yourself some cupcakes if you find out that you accidentally married your cousin.

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Some people seem offended by this ad! To which I respond: 1) Notice that everyone’s doing the ad’s job by talking about it, and 2) If you think you could never, ever wind up married to your cousin, then you and your spouse had better do a genealogy test posthaste.

Here’s the ad:

In the ad, a married couple each does a DNA test, and they both find out that their great-great-grandfathers came to the States through Ellis Island. Also, their great-great-grandfathers were the same guy! Whoops! They’re third cousins, and they have kids together!

Sounds gross, right? Oh, but it’s even more horrifying than you think. See, most people have an average of almost 200 third cousins they don’t know about. That means that—particularly if your family has stayed in the same geographic region for a few generations—it’s easier than you think to accidentally marry a distant relative. I’m happy to report that when my husband and I did our genealogies, our family trees weren’t even in the same forest, but I was still blown away by the dozens of complete strangers I was related to.

So is it really the end of the world if this happens to you? Look, plenty of people marry their cousins and they’re fine. Take the British royals, for example! Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip were third cousins, and that whole family is perfectly … uhhh …

Okay, wait, that’s a bad example. What I’m saying is that humans have been going around marrying their third cousins since the beginning of civilization, and it’s mostly been fine. You’re probably fine. Plus, every human being on Earth is technically everyone else’s cousin anyway! Just keep focusing on the big picture.

And in case you’re curious, here’s that Folgers ad, followed by the miraculously recovered extended cut (courtesy of Comedy Central).

(featured image: Edible)

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Julia Glassman
Julia Glassman (she/her) holds an MFA from the Iowa Writers' Workshop, and has been covering feminism and media since 2007. As a staff writer for The Mary Sue, Julia covers Marvel movies, folk horror, sci fi and fantasy, film and TV, comics, and all things witchy. Under the pen name Asa West, she's the author of the popular zine 'Five Principles of Green Witchcraft' (Gods & Radicals Press). You can check out more of her writing at <a href="https://juliaglassman.carrd.co/">https://juliaglassman.carrd.co/.</a>