Well done @TedCruz using the power of “like” to illustrate the evils of porn #Weiner pic.twitter.com/SQDPh1cRTp
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) September 12, 2017
After the Internet giddily erupted over Ted Cruz’s Twitter account hearting pornography, the uber-Conservative Senator and owner of the saddest sad face in the world says it wasn’t him.
According to the Daily Beast, Cruz’s response for reporters went like this:
“There are a number of people on the team that have access to the account, and it appears that someone inadvertently hit the like button,” he said, noting that the issue will be dealt with internally, but was not malicious. “It was a staffing issue, and it was inadvertent. It was a mistake, it was not a deliberate action.” The action sparked an internet firestorm lasting well into late morning Tuesday. Cruz jokingly added, “Perhaps we should have done something like this during the Indiana primary.”
LOL! What a funny joke from a gremlin who has built a career on attempting to legislate people’s personal lives and bodies. Predictably, Twitter’s reaction to the politico porn “like” was a thing of beauty.
its genuinely heartwarming to me that literally the entire internet can pause to laugh together at ted cruz pounding off
— jon hendren (@fart) September 12, 2017
The only thing worse than imagining Ted Cruz watching porn is imagining Ted Cruz in one.
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) September 13, 2017
Ted Cruz at any given moment 😂
…also this is my first meme ive ever created. Big ups to Ted. pic.twitter.com/yrf402IfB1
— Liza Charlton (@straightup_liza) September 13, 2017
Man, Ted Cruz could just admit that he likes porn and it would be the most and only human quality he has.
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) September 13, 2017
This reminds me so much of the time I accidentally liked a Ted Cruz speech on PornHub.
— Sofie Hagen (@SofieHagen) September 12, 2017
Um @tedcruz do you need a premium membership?? I know a guy pic.twitter.com/kDmHrZtmJk
— Pornhub ARIA (@Pornhub) September 12, 2017
Honestly we shouldn’t be that hard on Ted Cruz, being both the Zodiac killer and the son of the man who shot JFK isn’t easy.
— Mustapha Itani (@mustaphahitani) September 13, 2017
I could post tweets in this delicious vein pretty much forever, because Ted Cruz is terrible and the Internet is rightfully delighting in the situation. To be clear, I couldn’t care less about Ted Cruz—or some mystery anonymous staffer (who maybe lives in Canada?)—watching porn. Porn is just fine.
No, Ted Cruz deserves to be roasted because he is a sanctimonious hypocrite who passes himself off as a “family values” politician who would call out any colleague found in this position. Ted Cruz is a man who forwarded his career on denying the rights of others to seek sexual pleasure. He once argued that human beings did not have “due process” to masturbate and fought for the banning of “obscene devices,” a.k.a. sex toys.
The Mercury Star lays out Cruz’s past history on the subject:
[Cruz] once legally argued that people don’t have a “due process” right to masturbate, Vanity Fair reported in April 2016.
That is, people don’t have the right to “stimulate” their own genitals for “non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.”
Cruz, or his legal team when he was solicitor general of Texas, made this argument in a 76-page legal brief defending the Lone Star State’s ban on the sale of sex toys.
[…] In the brief, Cruz argued that banning obscene devices was in the public interest, and the government should be granted “police powers” for the purposes of “discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors.”
Furthermore, using obscene devices, the state argued, was akin to “hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy.”
Whether the porn liker is Ted Cruz or someone on Ted Cruz’s staff who wanted to work for a man who proudly does things like tell people they can’t masturbate except for procreative purposes, there’s massive hypocrisy at the rotten heart of the bad ship Cruz.
I can’t say that I’m surprised—it’s generally the grimacing repressed oppressive creepy types who end up being secretly into the very actions they rail against. I mean, has anyone ever thought more deeply about the act of genital stimulation than Texas junior Senator Ted Cruz?
Now please excuse me while I bathe my brain in bleach to forget that this whole thing ever happened.
(via The Daily Beast, image: screengrab)
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