She was forced to marry a man her mother told her to at 20. The divorce came at 21: ‘You are not defined by how they have conditioned you’
She had to start from scratch after her divorce, and it paid off.
Cassidy Allison (@cassidythesahm) was dating a man when her mother told him to move into their family home. After a few months of dating, her mother told her to marry the man.
“Eight years ago, I was forced to walk down the aisle,” Cassidy told TikTok. She recalled looking one of her bridesmaids in the eye and saying, “I don’t wanna do this.” Nevertheless, Cassidy felt forced to go through with the marriage because of her allegedly abusive upbringing.
“Yes, technically, I could have said no, but there are lots of different flavors of religious abuse,” Cassidy said. Although she’s still Christian, she said she’s already cut contact with the family members who were involved.
Cassidy came home one day and found out the man she’s been dating is suddenly living with them. A few months later, the man asked Cassidy if he could propose, and she refused. At that point, they had only been dating for six months.
“My mom got wind of it, and she told me that I had to say yes, because since he lived with us, it ‘looked bad.’ Wow,” Cassidy commented. She wanted to say no but feared saying no to her mother. Cassidy continued, “My mother prided herself on the fact that I was so conditioned that I had never actually told her no.” As a child, she would be given the silent treatment whenever she refused her mother. She also faced “much worse” consequences from her father, which she didn’t elaborate on.
Even though she was now an adult, Cassidy felt the need to go along with their plan. After a three-month engagement, the wedding came. “I literally told several people at my wedding that I did not want to get married. I should’ve been the runaway bride,” Cassidy said in hindsight.
It ended quickly in divorce
“We had only been married for a couple of months when we found ourselves in couples counseling,” Cassidy claimed. She alleged that her husband didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and said that he had assaulted her. When the couples counselor asked her then-husband if he saw a problem with disregarding her consent, he allegedly said no.
Cassidy ended up having a session to herself. Through counseling, she came to terms with her alleged sexual assault. “Here I am eight years later. I didn’t think I’d make it through a lot of that season,” Cassidy said. She was willing to give the man their house and bank accounts if it meant ending the marriage. They went to court for the divorce a year later, and Cassidy claimed it was because her ex took a while to fill out the paperwork.
“He even spelled my name wrong and got our wedding anniversary wrong,” Cassidy alleged. She was not dressed for court, wearing only a shirt and ripped jeans. Nevertheless, the judge made her feel seen, not letting her ex interrupt her while she spoke. Additionally, the presence of the security guard, who is also Cassidy’s Sunday school teacher, made her feel safe.
A bad season, not a bad life
After her divorce, COVID-19 happened, and Cassidy lost her job. “I found myself DoorDashing between the two jobs that I could find. I would sob because I was so hungry, because I could afford hardly anything,” Cassidy recalled. To make matters worse, the food she delivered often smelled good.
But this was just a bad season in her life, and Cassidy would meet her next husband on a blind date a couple of years later. “I ended up marrying him ten weeks later, even though I had almost refused to even go on the date,” Cassidy said. Five years later, they already have a two-year-old child, and Cassidy has made a living off social media.
“I’m here to show that even after going through religious and physical abuse, life can turn out really good,” Cassidy said. Eight years after her divorce, Cassidy is thriving. Because of her experience, she said she would randomly pay for strangers’ groceries, knowing what it feels like to go hungry. She continued, “I try to do it without recognition, but sometimes they find me in the parking lot and come hug me.” Cassidy isn’t the only one who decided to pay it forward and got recognition in return. A cashier paid for an 88-year-old woman’s groceries and got an unexpected and heartfelt surprise.
Cassidy advised those going through a tough time to get help. She added, “Go get help because you deserve it. And you’re not defined by how they have conditioned you.”
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