Over the weekend, Alyssa Milano drew some much-deserved criticism for sincerely proposing a “#SexStrike” as a response to the recent attacks on reproductive rights in multiple states across the country. The suggestion to go full Lysistrata is a terrible idea for a number of reasons, which our own Chelsea already broke down for us. Not only is the idea rooted in cis & heteronormative ideas of sex, but it reinforces the outdated notion that sex, at its core, is for men, and that it’s a commodity for women to give to or withhold from them as a prize or punishment.
2. This idea frames sex as something that hetero women are subjected to rather than enthusiastic participants in.
— Lara Witt (@Femmefeministe) May 11, 2019
The belief that sex is more important and more enjoyable for men is ingrained into a lot of people from a young age and it can lead to unhealthy sexual and emotional relationships. It’s also a self-fulfilling prophecy that can cause women not to think about their own pleasure or learn how to get the most out of sex.
Men, too, aren’t taught how to think about women’s pleasure as being equally important to theirs in heterosexual encounters. And right now, a lot of men are outing themselves on Twitter, making it clear that they’ve never evolved past that way of thinking and remain 100% bad at sex.
Michelle, please stop before you say something that ruins your credibility. Women may CLAIM to like sex, but you really don’t. You TOLERATE it under LIMITED circumstances and during limited time frames. That’s nature’s design. Please be honest now.
— Scott Gurstein (@PLAINSCOTT) May 12, 2019
Poor Brad there had his account suspended, presumably for his own protection, to shield him from the fallout from such a massive self-own.
Brad… you’ve just told us an awful lot about yourself.
— Amanda Deibert 🏳️🌈 (@amandadeibert) May 13, 2019
Oh you poor, stupid man
— rabia O’chaudry (@rabiasquared) May 13, 2019
It sounds like you might be bad at Sex, Brad.
— Lisa Braun Dubbels (@lisadubbels) May 13, 2019
Not art. (But as an unintentional “self-burn” it is “art”)
— Art Or Not Art (@ArtDecider) May 13, 2019
When a guy tells you he is the worst in and out of bed. https://t.co/1D9x6dR8Mf
— Elizabeth Rogers (@ahumorlessfem) May 13, 2019
Obviously, every person has their own unique relationship with sex. Some people do not have an “enthusiastic” interest or any interest at all in sex; some partners just don’t spark together; but if your opinion is that women, in general and as a whole, do not enjoy sex–well, buddy, it’s pretty obvious that there is a problem here and women are not it.
Remember when the Washington Post let us all know that celibacy in men has risen at a much higher rate than it has for women? Now, why could that be? Why are women “tolerating” so much sex, as our friend Scott up there says? According to The Economist, it’s the fault of “female empowerment.”
America is seeing a spike in celibacy fuelled by economics, technology and female empowerment https://t.co/ZRtBCa2PCf pic.twitter.com/8BqEro93aQ
— The Economist (@TheEconomist) May 12, 2019
I think a more likely answer is that a lot of women are tired of all the Brads and Scotts who are more interested in inserting themselves unnecessarily into conversations about reproductive rights than they are in exploring the interests and needs of their female sexual partners. I suppose we could call that a form of empowerment.
Rather than a blanket sex strike, let’s just all not have sex with people who want to strip us of our bodily autonomy and also not with people who come from the position of assuming you’re not going to have a good time.
(image: Sajjad Hussain M from Burst)
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