Is the XBox a “Sex Box”? Denver Reporter Asks All the Tough Questions

First: no.

But according to a sensationalist Denver ‘news’ report on the aforementioned ‘sex box,’ “XBOX live, Play Station 3 and even Wii have become a sexual predator’s playground.”

On the basis of footage gathered from a camera crew’s expedition into what appears to be all of two Denver households, a budget- and talent-strapped local news affiliate has once again managed to approach gaming from the hoariest perspective possible: That if unsuspecting American parents allow their children to approach any electronic device more complicated than a Tiger Handheld, sexual sex predators will reach their slimy sex tentacles through the fiber-optic cables running into your house and sex them. With sex.

NOTHING EVER CHANGES

We here at Geekosystem recognize that the ever-thorny “Kids + Video Games” problem is indeed a difficult and complex issue, much like the Eastern Question and the Socratic Paradox before it. However, the mainstream media could use some minor updates in how it deals with the issue.

• Have at least a minor grasp of the technology involved: Otherwise, like Fox 11 LA, you will advise ordinary citizens to deal with hackers by buying a dog for protection.
• Don’t use bluescreen graphics: It makes reporters look like they’re in a deleted scene from Virtuosity!
• Don’t let the kids talk, unless it’s in a heavily shadowed one-on-one format that emphasizes their victimhood: If you let an average 13-year-old interact with their friends on camera, it will rapidly become apparent that their verbal abuse aimed at each other probably tops whatever they’re hearing whilst playing Halo VII: Advent ODST.

Also: Aren’t most Americans more terrified of homosexuality than of the Internet at this point? Where were local news outlets during the Great xBox Live Lesbian Purge of 2009?

Full video below. Ugh.