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Samantha Bee’s Penis PSA Is Good Business Advice for Terrible Men

"Your dick is objectively the worst thing about you."

With so many prominent, powerful men being accused of sexual assault and harassment, Samantha Bee has some advice for other men who are worried that they, too, will face similar accusations. Some men have gone full Mike Pence and are refusing to take meetings with female colleagues for fear of allegations of inappropriate behavior. Men, please don’t do that. The solution to workplace abuse is not refusing to do business with women. Instead, listen to Samantha Bee and don’t show your penis to your coworkers and employees.

As it turns out, it’s not that hard to not masturbate in front of your colleagues. Despite being a big comedy star/Hollywood executive, Bee says that not masturbating in front of her employees is easy. “In fact, it’s one of the easiest things I don’t do.”

Oh, and by the way …

Please stop sending pictures of it to people and otherwise assuming anyone is eager to see it. “Your dick is objectively the worst thing about you.”

In short, “Don’t masturbate in front of people who haven’t specifically asked you to, and even then, stop and ask yourself: What is our power dynamic? Is there a chance in hell that this person might only be agreeing to see my hideous dick out of fear for their career? If so, make a good business choice and keep your business in your pants.”

It’s maddening that this advice is even necessary, but as Bee notes in another segment, Harvey Weinstein is just “the tip of the douche-berg.” Sexual harassment and assault are present in every industry, but women are reaching the end of how much shit they’ll put up with. Put your junk away, guys, because we’re done with this.

If this advice is still confusing, Bee has put together a handy guide to workplace etiquette. Harvey Weinstein and any other sexual predators who just can’t figure out the whole “how not to be a giant piece of shit” thing.

(image: screengrab)

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Vivian Kane (she/her) has a lot of opinions about a lot of things. Born in San Francisco and radicalized in Los Angeles, she now lives in Kansas City, Missouri with her husband Brock Wilbur and too many cats.