Let’s Just Replace Every Terrible Man in the Movies With Tig Notaro
Zack Snyder’s Army of the Dead completed most principle photography in 2019. At that time, the character of “Peters,” described as “a cynical helicopter pilot,” was played by comedian Chris D’Elia. Since filming wrapped, the now-41-year-old D’Elia has been accused by multiple people, including minors, of sexual misconduct, and just last month he was sued for possessing child porn and exploiting a minor. Long story short, Chris D’Elia is a piece of crap and not the kind of person you want in your movie.
Well, Zack Snyder knows a bit about fixing movies, so last year, D’Elia was replaced in the film with Tig Notaro. Through a combination of reshoots and digitally inserting Notaro into existing scenes, Snyder replaced a shitty man with an out lesbian comedian, and the results are already paying dividends. The moment the Army of the Dead trailer hit, social media lost its mind over Notaro.
Tig Notaro. that’s it that’s the tweet pic.twitter.com/ncNHzcbKnq
— NetflixFilm (@NetflixFilm) April 13, 2021
I think we can all agree that Tig Notaro 😳😳 #ArmyOfTheDead pic.twitter.com/L2RFjPFCnj
— Shruti Rao (@shrutiraoart) April 13, 2021
Someone at work told me he won’t be watching Army of the Dead because they digitally erased Chris D’elia and replaced him with Tig Notaro using CGI…
This is a selling point for me AND the most hilarious method of someone being cancelled for being a creep of all time. pic.twitter.com/OBPoQysqrT
— Noah Harald (@NoahHarald) April 14, 2021
All these years I’ve been telling people I’m queer when it turns out my sexuality is specifically “watching Tig Notaro fight zombies while Kenny Rogers plays in the background.” https://t.co/24s1v2awVx
— Kendall Brown (@kendallybrown) April 13, 2021
I saw this sentiment all over and totally agreed. And it made me think … we have the technology. Someone’s got the money. Why don’t we just replace every shitty man in the movies with Tig Notaro?
Take Death on the Nile. The pandemic delayed the release of the sequel to Murder on the Orient Express but during that delay, serious allegations have arisen, including rape allegations, against one of the stars, Armie Hammer. No one wants to see a movie with a creepy accused rapist in it, so the solution is clear: Replace him with Tig Notaro.
Replace every sexual predator with Tig Notaro in aviators https://t.co/F5OPWtxLew
— Ben Joseph (@jenboseph) April 13, 2021
We don’t even need to limit this to movies that aren’t released yet. Johnny Depp’s reputation has gone down the toilet since the glory days of the Pirates films, which many of us still love, so let’s fix them by replacing Depp entirely with Tig Notaro. Kevin Spacey was replaced with Christopher Plummer in All The Money in the World, but Plummer has sadly passed, so all of Spacey’s great roles now belong to Tig Notaro. He can keep K-Pax though.
Tom Cruise? Replace with Tig.
further proof we should just replace Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible with Tig Notaro. https://t.co/oJ5P5rrK8j
— mattyhugh (@mattyhugh) April 13, 2021
Could we even go further?
Now that we have the technology, add Tig Notaro to every movie.
— Chris Knetzer (@KnetzerTheGreat) April 14, 2021
Yes. Every man is Tig Notaro now. As the goddess intended it. Nature can finally heal.
(image: SCOTT GARFIELD/NETFLIX)
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