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Nintendo Reveals What We Already Knew: Waluigi Is Full Of Raw, Sexual Energy

That Waluigi render though

Waluigi's new render is a thirst trap

So there I was, on the Internet, minding my own business, when I came across this tweet concerning the video game character Waluigi:

And this one:

And this one:

And … you know what? Just search Waluigi render and you’ll be treated to a delightful slew of tweets commenting on what that tongue do.

This newest in Waluigi thirst traps comes from an unboxing video of the Nintendo Switch Lite Blue. That’s right. Nintendo made this brand new, highly suggestive render just to have it appear for a couple of seconds in a video that’s debating on whether or not this Nintendo Switch is blue or purple.

Sorry, what was the question? I was too busy looking at Waluigi’s little booty pop.

Of course, that render will probably be used for future promotional work for upcoming games (Mario Golf: Super Rush is coming out on June 25), but I’m convinced that the company rendered him in such a way because they feel the same way the fandom does: Waluigi is Nintendo’s ultimate sex symbol.

But what is it about the purple bizarro-Luigi that does it for the fandom—besides that obvious draw me like one of your French girls pose which, honestly, isn’t the first time Waluigi’s shown the flexibility of his body while holding a rose and looking suggestively at the camera (as you’ll see in this article). He’s perfect for fans of tall, lanky, mustached men, but there’s more to him than his penchant for roses and them modelesque legs.

What I find interesting about Waluigi is that there’s a sense of mystery about him. After all of these years (his debut being in 2000 with Mario Tennis) he’s yet to appear in anything BUT Mario sports games. Nearly every character in the Mario roster comes from some kind of adventure game, but Waluigi just sticks with tennis, kart racing, and golf. After doing a bit of digging, the only time he’s ever actually been a nemesis is in Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix or, I guess, Super Smash Bros. as an assist trophy (no that doesn’t count MAKE HIM PLAYABLE YOU COWARDS).

Fans really only get to interact with Waluigi in sports or party game settings, making them want him more. What would his playstyle be like if he were actually playable in Smash Bros.? Well, all we’ve got to work with is some super moves in tennis, so maybe his attacks would look something like this:

When Waluigi shows up on the court he’s always delightfully extra, and hey, why shouldn’t he be? It’s the only time he gets some action in the vast Mario library.

Then again, maybe he just shows up to party because that’s the kind of vibe he chooses to embrace. Taking over a kingdom is a lot of work, and so is kidnapping a whole ass princess who comes pre-programmed with a chubby plumber who will straight up go to the moon to save her. Waluigi avoids all of that in favor of these spinoff games where he can, honestly, thoroughly embarrass Mario, Luigi, and everyone else in a simple game of golf.

I can’t help but respect such a chaotic character who relegates his behavior to the times where everyone comes together for some friendly competition. Everyone else is off jumping over pitfalls or being knocked into boiling hot lava, but Waluigi’s just living his best life, tennis racket in hand, not a single destroyed castle to his name.

That’s hot.

I’d also like to think that Waluigi is what Luigi could be if he gained a bit more confidence in himself. Waluigi isn’t, like, malicious, he just thinks he’s the shit and takes pleasure in reminding us with poses that accentuate his exquisite form. You kinda hope that some of his characteristics rub off on the loveable green plumber, that maybe, after seeing this render, Luigi lets loose the way his polar opposite does.

Until then, Waluigi will continue to be a moment, an experience, a triumph of man.

(Image: Nintendo)

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Briana (she/her - bisexual) is trying her best to cosplay as a responsible adult. Her writing tends to focus on the importance of representation, whether it’s through her multiple book series or the pieces she writes. After de-transforming from her magical girl state, she indulges in an ever-growing pile of manga, marathons too much anime, and dedicates an embarrassing amount of time to her Animal Crossing pumpkin patch (it's Halloween forever, deal with it Nook)