Sorry, Halloween people, the pumpkins may still be on your porch, but Mariah Carey, the Queen of Christmas, has announced it’s time, and thus your reign over the Target seasonal aisle is over. It’s officially Christmas.
Wasting no time, and perhaps because she needs (wants?) another vacation home, Carey officially announced that “it’s time” at 11:59 PM on Halloween. For those you of you still in spooky mode, this may seem like the beginning of a slasher flick, where the long-thought-dead killer of the franchise comes back to life and murders a horny co-ed getting frisky in the quad. Through a certain lens, you would be right, but only if you’re one of those people who likes to complain that Christmas encroaches on Thanksgiving every year, and blah blah blah consumerism, not about presents, etc., etc. Personally I love the combination of red and green far more than black and orange, so I say, let it snow, baby!
Much like elf on the shelf, I genuinely don’t know how “All I Want For Christmas Is You” became so ingrained in American society as the harbinger of yuletide joy. All I can tell you is that in the ’90s, when Carey first released the track, we liked it, but it wasn’t played every other song at Target like it is now. (Yes, Target is the official consumer sponsor of Christmas to me. Can’t explain it. I think it’s the red in their brand. Your results may vary here.) However, it’s no longer the ’90s, as much as I would like to bring frosted eyeshadow and brown lipstick back. It’s 2023, and Carey has been counting down until “it’s time” for a few years now. Which means that she, and she alone, decides when it’s okay to bust out “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” And friends? She decided it’s time:
Honestly, bless Ms. Mariah Carey. This video, despite your view of the song itself, is hilarious and pretty adorable. The Queen of Christmas thaws out just in time to let the world know it’s time to put away the wraiths and goblins of Halloween (take that, Ghostface killer) and embrace the joy of Christmas magic. I’m in. For the Halloween people out there, it does seem fitting that the ghoulies of Halloween are the ones that thaw her out, even. To love a spooky monster is to accept the terror they bring into your life.
So, why does she do it? I wasn’t kidding about the additional vacation home. Every year Carey makes an estimated $3 million from it, more if she’s doing a holiday promotional concert or something to that effect. I don’t know about you, but if I could basically print money by reminding people “it’s time,” I absolutely would. None of you would want to hear a song I had anything to do with, though.
Look, it’s very easy to be Grinch-y about this whole thing. The song does get overplayed during the holiday season, and yes, this is kind of crass. You know what else it is? Fun! I think it’s cute! This is Mariah Carey we’re talking about. She never half-asses anything. She whole-asses it, and usually throws in sparkles, glitter, and amazing production value, as you can see in the video above. I support it. If Christmas makes you happy, Carey has officially blessed you with the knowledge that “it’s time.” If you want to stay in Halloween mode year-round, you can do that too, my friend. This is still a free country. Follow your bliss.
Since this is about “All I Want For Christmas,” I would be remiss if I didn’t share my favorite version of it. So I leave you with the best rendition of the song ever. Mariah Carey and The Roots performed the song using only children’s toys. Yes, Jimmy Fallon is also there, since this happened on The Tonight Show. Let’s ignore that, though:
(featured image: Kevin Mazur, Getty Images for MC / Illustration by Kate Hudson)
