I’d Let This Robot Baby Yoda Toy Kill Me
In the world of toys going too far, anything associated with The Mandalorian does not qualify. You cannot give me too much Baby Yoda merchandise. I’ll take everything and anything that that little green baby is on, and that includes a robot version of the Child that would probably lead the robot army and bring about the singularity.
I know that we’re all going to die at some point, and so I think I would be okay with this remote control Baby Yoda toy murdering me in my sleep. Though we were warned by the Furby craze years ago, we as a society have not moved past the need for weird robot toys that will probably eat our souls if we don’t lock them up at the end of the day.
Get ready to have Baby Yoda be your very best friend because this new remote-controlled figure means he can follow you around. https://t.co/8EulEPCvZH
— Nerdist (@nerdist) October 26, 2020
Nerdist shared a commercial for the new doll, Mattel’s “The Child Real Plush,” that had me contemplating my likely end. While it’s super cute you can control Baby Yoda walking and following alongside you, I’m also sure that that little remote control toy would soon be standing above me while I was sleeping, ready to attack. As a kid, I used to lock my Furby up in my closet because I was too afraid of what it would do while I had my eyes closed. I don’t think that I’d lock up this Baby Yoda. Let the Child end me.
This toy can do it all, per Nerdist:
Wearing his signature brown robe and Mandalorian pendant, the 11-inch toy features realistic motions. He can move his little head, ears, and arm (so he can do the “magic hand thingy”). The Yodaling can also do a little shuffle. And he plays authentic sounds from the show.
That all sounds great! But then: “…what makes this version of the little green tyke special is that he will follow you around thanks to a remote control you can wear on your wrist.”
Our cultural obsession with Baby Yoda has resulted in terrifying advances like this. Even though intellectually I know it’s a step too far, such is the power of the Child that I see that beautiful little baby and I’m like “if you deem me an enemy and force choke me, I’d just accept that fate,” which is probably a dangerous thing. But also, it’s the Child! At least it’d be a cute way to go.
With the second season of The Mandalorian gearing up, we’re getting an influx of new merchandise and glimpses at the second series of the hit Disney+ show. And of course that means a lot of Baby Yoda things, especially since Disney failed to anticipate how in-demand The Child merch would be the first time around.
But I just keep thinking about how he just sort of glides beside you? Like you’re just walking around your house and there is Baby Yoda. You’re cooking something in the kitchen, and you turn around, and there he is. You open the door, and he’s waiting.
Part of me wants to get this toy just to see how my cat would react to Baby Yoda just walking around the apartment with him, but another part of me wants it because if I’m going to be killed by a robot, I want it to be the Child. At least the last thing I will see is the giant ears of my son, Baby Yoda.
So for $59.99, I can play with this Mattel version of Baby Yoda and also pray for the sweet release of death from the robotic version of The Child. Truly a win-win situation if you ask me.
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