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Interstellar Plague Distributor Jeff Goldblum Reads Independence Day Children’s Book

"Sometimes I like to silently reflect on Bill Pullman as a, uh... as a person."

By Jun 24th, 2016, 2:34 pm

This weekend will see the release of Independence Day: Resurgence, the sequel to the much beloved Independence Day movie from back in ’96. Now, I don’t mean to alarm you, but ’96 was two decades ago. Children have entered and left adolescence since then. So, seeing as how many of them might not recall the events of the War of ’96, Jeff Goldblum took it upon himself to read a kid-friendly novelization of Independence Day, which Mashable so kindly recorded and placed online for, you know, posterity.

This isn’t the first time Mashable’s pulled this gag. Last year (to the day, even) they had Chuck Palahniuk read a kid-friendly version of Fight Club, which was titled “Horsin’ Around Club.” How fun!

But no, seriously, what’s so fantastic about Goldblum’s reading is that he does it in that way that he performs literally all his lines across any movie ever. I’ve got a theory that he actually never really gets into any character for anything, he just plays himself playing that person, if that makes sense. It’s like, you could give him an entire litany of character materials on background, future, motivations, whatever, and he’d read it (oh, he’d read it to be polite of course), but when it came down to it, he’d just be himself.

And let’s be honest, that’s why you hired him in the first place, right?

I guess you could say Goldblum, uh… finds a way.

goldblum dr grant

Uh-huh.

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Jessica Lachenal - Assistant Editor

Jessica Lachenal is a writer who doesn’t talk about herself a lot, so she isn’t quite sure how biographical info panels should work. But here we go anyway. She's the Weekend Editor for The Mary Sue, a Contributing Writer for The Bold Italic (thebolditalic.com), and a Staff Writer for Spinning Platters (spinningplatters.com). She's also been featured in Model View Culture and Frontiers LA magazine, and on Autostraddle. She hopes this has been as awkward for you as it has been for her.