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Internet Loses It Over Jeff Bezos Riding to Space on Particularly Phallic Rocket

So many dick jokes ...

By Jul 20th, 2021, 2:15 pm

Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin New Shepard rocket spaceship.

So Jeff Bezos has a dick-shaped spaceship—one that he rode to space on. And it only lasted a few minutes. Truly, the dick jokes just write themselves at this point.

The Blue Origin New Shepard went up and back down in quick succession, and then had press stories going up all day that lasted longer than the actual flight. To be fair, all rockets are at least vaguely similar in shape, but Bezos’ feels like the closest to a full Dr. Evil move yet. In an insufferable move, the Bezos Bros (Mark Bezos and Jeff Bezos) went to space (barely) together and brought some “special” things with them. Ah, to be rich!

We were able to fly with a piece of canvas from the Wright Flyer, so the plane that the Wright Brothers flew, we brought a piece of that canvas with us which was really powerful, as well as a bronze medallion that was made from the first hot air balloon flight in 1783, which was the first time man ever, you know, left the Earth in controlled flight so we were very thrilled to bring both of those along with us.

To help set the scene as we continue to talk about Bezos, here is a perfect song:

Everything else about billionaires going to space aside, no one could handle the particular shape of Bezos’ rocket.

AND ITS NAME IS BLUE?!!? It’s baffling and also just a blatant show of wealth that he could have just used to help the world but instead spent billions of dollars to go to the EDGE of space and float for a few minutes and make jokes before coming right back home.

Twitter is obviously making fun of this.

Jeff Bezos rode a giant dick-shaped ship to space for ten minutes. The worst part? Bezos thanked everyone who worked at Amazon and every customer because we paid for him to get his rocks off for a few minutes.

(image: Alex Wong/Getty)

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Rachel Leishman (She/Her) is an Assistant Editor at the Mary Sue. A writer her whole life but professionally starting back in 2016 who loves all things movies, TV, and classic rock. Resident Spider-Man expert, official Leslie Knope, actually Yelena Belova. Wanda Maximoff has never done anything wrong in her life. Star Wars makes her very happy. New York writer with a passion for all things nerdy. Yes, she has a Pedro Pascal podcast. And also a Harrison Ford one.