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J.K. Rowling Wants Us to Know That Dumbledore and Grindelwald Were Doing It

Jo please, just stop.

jude law as dumbledore

Here’s the thing: I love the Potterverse as much as the next geek. Maybe even more, after all I did have my bachelorette party at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. And I love J.K. Rowling, the brilliant single mom who conjured this magical universe. But unfortunately for all of us, Rowling keeps giving us details about the wizarding world that we wish we could unhear.

Our Lady of Retconning has shocked fans everywhere with a series of unnecessary and sometimes disturbing add-ons to the Potterverse. First there was the wildly upsetting “wizards soil themselves and magick it away” detail:

hermoine and ron both say no to the old wizarding ways of shitting your pants.

Fans were also upset about the big “20 years in the making reveal” that Nagini was once a young Asian woman who was cursed to become Voldemort’s snake BFF. Ah yes, the timeless tale of an evil wizard who … keeps a woman of color as a pet?! Yikes.

And most recently, Rowling said in an interview that young Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald were definitely knocking wands. And yes, the retconning of Dumbledore did give us a prominent LGBTQ character in the Potterverse, but you don’t get points for that after the fact. Furthermore, it isn’t really representation when it doesn’t exist in the books or in the films. Sorry, but in 2019 subtext just isn’t going to cut it.

Fans took the news of Dumbledore and Grindelwald’s sexual relationship to its most logical endpoint: Twitter memes. Here are some of our favorite responses to Rowling’s revelation:

Luckily, Rowling still has a famous fan supporting her: Crazy Ex Girlfriend‘s own Rachel Bloom.

A musical gay porn set in the Wizarding World? Shut up and take my money.

(via Twitter, image: Warner Bros.)

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Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. She currently lives in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, son, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.