Mother almost drowned trying to get her autistic son out of a pool. When he wanders into a neighbor’s water again, her husband refused to help.

A mother says her husband refused to retrieve their autistic son from a neighbor’s pool because he wasn’t responsible for leaving the door unlocked. Instead, he allegedly stood beside the water while insisting they determine who was to blame first.

The woman who goes by u/latchkeytwin on Reddit shared that her nonverbal autistic son had wandered out of their home and into the neighbor’s pool. She called her husband for assistance because their son weighs nearly as much as she does, making it difficult for her to physically retrieve him alone.

Her husband climbed over the neighbor’s locked gate but allegedly refused to enter the water. Instead, the mother says he demanded they review security footage, arguing that “whoever left it unlocked should have to go in.”

Her husband allegedly refused ‘on principle’

The footage showed that the couple’s 14-year-old had left the door unlatched. Because her husband maintained that the situation wasn’t his fault, the mother says he still refused to enter the pool “on principle.”

She ultimately climbed over the gate herself and waded fully clothed into the water to retrieve their son. Back home, her husband allegedly shouted at their teenager for leaving the door unlatched and later demanded that she face consequences.

The mother was particularly upset because her husband knew she’d struggled to retrieve their son alone during another recent pool incident. She said her son had actively resisted leaving while she misjudged the depth of the water, went under and began gasping for breath. Another adult eventually helped her pull him out. 

However, she clarified that her son was not in danger of drowning during this latest incident. He is almost a teenager, tall for his age, and swims several times a week. On top of that, the mother added that he was standing in an above-ground pool.  

Her husband later apologized for initially blaming her, according to the post, but continued defending his refusal to enter the water.

Redditors questioned the family’s safety plan

Commenters questioned why determining fault had taken priority over helping retrieve the child. “It shouldn’t matter who left the gate unlocked in that moment,” one person wrote, arguing that a capable parent was already beside the pool and could have helped.

Others focused on the family’s 14-year-old. One commenter argued that because the home has alarms, “a 14-year-old isn’t the safety system,” while another said figuring out who left the door open was irrelevant to handling the immediate situation.

There were also concerns about how frequently the boy had recently been leaving home. The mother said this was the third pool elopement in a month. She explained that the family has cameras and alarms and added more locks following the latest incident. Families with nonverbal autistic children can find themselves continually adapting tools and routines around their child’s changing needs, as another mother recently described after her son’s customized AAC device disappeared at school.

The Reddit poster said the behavior resurfaced after more than three years without a similar incident and that a recent medication change may be contributing. She also remains concerned about trespassing after the neighbor called police the first time her son entered their pool. Pools have generated their share of unexpected neighbor disputes, including one homeowner who recently discovered a neighbor had brought around 15 children into her backyard for a birthday party without permission.

Although the police officers reportedly handled that encounter well, the experience added another concern to a situation the family is already continually adapting to. As she explained in one comment, “It’s a battle for safety/support/survival every day.”

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