JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR LIVE IN CONCERT -- Pictured: Sara Bareilles as Mary

How to Make a Sound on TikTok

TikTok I want to SING. LET ME SING.

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TikTok, I grow weary of the voice you have tried to give me. I tire of your infinite menagerie of regurgitated pop songs and the opinions, musings, and ululations of strangers. I wish for the world to hear my own voice. I shall sing a new song, TikTok, and when I sing, every bird in the air and beast of the field will gather around me to hear my song. The wind shall settle herself amongst the blades of grass to hear my song. The rocks and stones shall grow ears and to hear my melody. Indeed, the birds shall attempt to sing their harmonies and I will shush them like Lorde. For this song is mine and mine alone. And I shall sing it at noonday. And I shall sing it at dusk. And I shall sing to the cold stars above as they twirl about in the celestial spheres, twinkling out the great tapestry of song that all creation hums. And I shall be the brightest melody of all, and God shall hear me and weep his heavens down.

Here’s how:

And to do this, I must tap the + button to begin recording a video. I will record a video of the bird or beast or crawling thing that shall be blessed to hear my song. Then, I will press V and go to the next page. I will add filters or voiceover effects if I desire it. But I do not desire it. For my song must remain pure as a virgin lying in new-fallen snow. And then I shall post my video and creation shall hear me and tremble.

Featured image: TikTok/NBC


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Image of Jack Doyle
Jack Doyle
Jack Doyle (they/them) is actually nine choirs of biblically accurate angels crammed into one pair of $10 overalls. They have been writing articles for nerds on the internet for less than a year now. They really like anime. Like... REALLY like it. Like you know those annoying little kids that will only eat hotdogs and chicken fingers? They're like that... but with anime. It's starting to get sad.