Donald Trump appears at Sneaker Con to sell his gold sneakers.

How Many Hideous $399 Sneakers Will Donald Trump Have to Hawk To Pay off His $438 Million Debt?

For sale: clown shoes, never worn.

How will disgraced former President Donald Trump pay off his massive debts, which now total close to half a billion dollars? By selling cheap gold shoes, obviously!

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A day after Trump was ordered to pay $355 million in his New York civil fraud trial, the 91-count indictee appeared at Sneaker Con in Philadelphia to peddle his “Never Surrender High-Tops” for $399 a pair. The shoes, which look like they were stolen from Homelander’s closet, feature an emblazoned “T” and the American flag. Subtle and classy, as all Trump products are.

Trump was met with boos at the event, as diehard supporters eagerly flung their money at the grifter-in-chief for autographed pairs. One man even paid $9,000 for a signed pair, although he could have cut out the middle man and just cut a check for Trump’s lawyers.

Trump claimed that the sneakers sold out instantly, and he’ll need every penny to pay off his staggering legal penalties. In addition to the $355 million in his New York fraud case, Trump also owes E. Jean Carroll $88.3 million for sexual assault and defamation. And that $443.3 million doesn’t include the millions that Trump owes his legal team.

To cover what he owes, Trump would have to sell 1,111,027.57 gold sneakers. Will whatever sweatshop he’s tasked to produce these monstrosities be able to keep up? Especially when folks can buy the same shoes on Temu for a fraction of the price.

You can bet that these shoes are made overseas, like all Trump products. America First, right?

Trump will have to move a lot of cheap merch to pay off his debts, and he’s already out of fabric scraps from his mugshot suit. Trump is also selling “Victory47” cologne, which presumably smells like crushed Adderall, flop sweat, and old steak sauce.

The internet quickly took Trump to task and mocked these ridiculous shoes, which will surely be as successful as Trump University, Trump Steaks, Trump Airlines, and Trump Vodka.

The best response came from the Biden campaign, where communications director Michael Tyler said, “Donald Trump showing up to hawk bootleg Off-Whites is the closest he’ll get to any Air Force Ones ever again for the rest of his life.”

(featured image: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)


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Author
Chelsea Steiner
Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.