Gina Rodriguez and Stephanie Beatriz Star In a Totally Made-Up Superhero Movie…As Girlfriends!
Don’t wait on anyone to make your favorite thing
Make your own favorite thing
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) August 22, 2017
Not all of us can make a Gina Rodriguez & Stephanie Beatriz as gay superhero girlfriends movie, Lin https://t.co/iefdx4JqYG
— loudlysilent (@loudlysilent) August 22, 2017
Following the advice of Lin-Manuel Miranda, with an assist by @loudlysilent on Twitter. Sí se puede!
A Excerpt From Ceibo* and Coquí**
INT. LAURA AND MARIA’S BEDROOM – EVE
LAURA (Stephanie Beatriz) sits straddling the window sill, half in-half out and still wearing her coral-colored Ceibo costume. She’s picking at a snag in the leotard, clearly annoyed.
Suddenly, a voice in the darkness…
I thought you said you were going to quit.
MARIA (Gina Rodriguez) emerges, stepping toward the window. She folds her arms and raises her eyebrows waiting for an explanation.
Laura comes all the way in the window looking sheepish.
I mean, I will. I mean…I can’t just stop. Not when Coquí is out there wreaking havoc on the city and…
Maria walks toward Laura and puts her arms around Laura’s waist.
What is this obsession with this Coquí person? Should I be jealous?
They share a deep kiss.
Seriously, though. Why does it always have to be you?
I was given these powers for a reason, Maria. I can’t just stand by while criminals take advantage of the people in this city. I have to do something.
Maria smiles, brushing a tendril of Laura’s hair out of her eyes.
I know you do. That’s what I love about you.
Maria looks down at the spot on Laura’s thigh where Laura was examining the rip. She slides her finger into it, then looks up at Laura.
Your costume’s torn.
It is. I should get out of it, huh.
You really should. You’re off the clock now, and I can think of about a million other uses for manipulable plant appendage powers…
Maria leads Laura to the bed.
INT. LAURA AND MARIA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Laura in bed. She stretches luxuriously with a big grin on her face. She turns over to discover that Maria isn’t in bed. She sits up, throws on a t-shirt she picks up off the floor, and walks toward the bathroom. She glances toward the dresser and notices that one drawer is slightly ajar. She goes over to close it, but notices something inside.
A small bag full of TINY, FROG-SHAPED TRANSMITTERS.
Laura looks up toward the door at the sound of Maria’s harsh whisper just outside the door.
You need to get that plane ready! She’s getting too close. We’re going to have to move the plan up. Do whatever you have to do!
Laura takes the bag out of the drawer and holds it up.
Maria enters as she puts her cell phone in her pocket. She looks at the bed and sees that Laura isn’t in it.
Morning, babe. I didn’t think you’d be up yet…
She looks up and sees Laura with the bag of transmitters.
I can explain.
Explain what? The fact that you’re a supervillain who gets what she wants by making people’s ears bleed, or the fact that we’ve been together three years, and you’ve been living a lie all that time?
A beat, as they each take in what needs to happen next.
Suddenly, as Maria tries to turn and make a break for the door, Laura sends a vine shooting from her fingertips to slam the door shut, sealing the door with moss. As Maria tries to run for the window, Laura wraps her in branches and vines, pulling her down to the floor.
As Maria struggles…
Let me go, Laura.
What you need to do is tell me how you could do this. How could you hurt all those people? For what? Money?
I never killed anyone.
And that makes it okay?
I did it for us. I was trying to build a better life for us.
Don’t you dare use me as an excuse!
I’m warning you…
If you think I’m letting you go, Coquí…
Maria opens her mouth, and releases A PIERCING, HIGH-PITCHED CHIRPING SOUND. Laura’s branches immediately loosen and recede back into her body. She holds her ears shrieking in pain.
Maria stops, and stands.
Laura pulls her hands away from her ears and notices blood.
You think all the world needs is a pure hero. When will you get it through your head that that’s not how the world works. The money to run your non-profit? This is how I got it. Thanks, corporate bank I robbed!
I thought you had a job, like a normal person!
Work smarter, not harder.
You could have come to me. With these powers…you could do some good in this world. We could do some good in this world. We clearly feel the same way about corporations taking advantage of the poor…
But you won’t do what needs to be done, when it comes down to it. That’s your weakness.
You say you were doing this for me? Fine. Do something else for me. Stop. Join me. Let’s work together.
Will Coquí find redemption and change her thieving ways? Or will Ceibo have to take her down and bring her in to the authorities? And more importantly, WHAT DO THEIR SUPERHERO AND SUPERVILLAIN OUTFITS LOOK LIKE??
Well, I don’t know, and I’m not getting paid to write a full screenplay for this (though if anyone wanted to hire me to do so, I’d happily oblige). Still, there are so many possibilities! It’s kind of amazing to know that, my crappy fan-fiction aside, that Rodriguez and Beatriz themselves are genuinely into the idea of starring as girlfriends in a superhero something:
— Stephanie Beatriz (@iamstephbeatz) August 22, 2017
Hey Lin-Manuel! Wanna help me produce this? I’ll write the book, you write some killer musical numbers? We’ll be a Puerto Rican draem team! And come on! Hot, queer Latina superheroes? THE SONGS WRITE THEMSELVES!
OK, now you all know the bananas nonsense I’d write. What would you want to see in this hypothetical movie that doesn’t yet exist, but should? Tell us below!
*Ceibo – national flower of Argentina (where Beatriz was born)
**Coquí – tree frog native to Puerto Rico (Rodriguez is Puerto Rican)
(image: Teresa Jusino/Shutterstock)
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