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Michelle Rodriguez can take time off from the Fast & Furious movies to be the headstrong, adventurous princess—and heir—of Dorne, right? Most of me is joking with this, but small part legitimately wants to see Rodriguez hop in a souped-up muscle car, drive to King’s Landing, and exact her family’s vengeance on the Lannisters. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s a large part.
Prince Doran Martell
Pop a little bit of old person makeup on
Pedro Pascal, toss a blanket over his legs, and let’s go! You know he can do the accent required of the Prince of Dorne, because he invented said accent as Doran’s younger brother Oberyn. Bonus: You get a family resemblance between the two. Shut up and let me have this.
Art by Mathia Arkoniel, via
A Wiki of Ice and Fire
Young Cersei Lannister
To play young Cersei in that
rumored flashback: Young Lena Headey. HBO would have to invent a time machine, but it would be worth all the resulting alternate dimensions and warping of the space-time continuum and general destruction, chaos, and death, for no one else but Lena Headey ever to play Cersei Lannister. And speaking of the flashback…
Maggy the Frog
Lena Headey. In fact, just have every single character in this scene be Lena Headey. Young Cersei is Lena Headey. Gross old fortune teller Maggy, who tells Cersei a disturbing prophecy, is Lena Headey. Cersei’s childhood friend Melara is Lena Headey. The trees in the background are Lena Headey. The cameraman is Lena Headey. You are Lena Headey. I am Lena Headey. Everyone is Lena Headey.
I can’t imagine
Game of Thrones will be getting their Coldhands on, since every single scene he had an important role in (rescuing Gilly and Sam from wights, being Bran’s guide north of the Wall) has passed by without him. But allow me to imagine a season five where Colhands does show up 15 minutes late with Starbucks. Who’s better at playing the “good guy” in “good guy White Walker” than Paul Rudd? James Franco can be the giant elk.
Art by zippo514, via
A Wiki of Ice and Fire
The High Sparrow
It’s been a while since I read
A Dance with Dragons, but what I remember about the High Sparrow is that he’s a gigantic, self-serving jackass who uses his position as basically the Pope of Westeros to justify some truly atrocious behavior. What’s Rush Limbaugh up to these days?
Art by Marc Fishman, via
A Wiki of Ice and Fire
For some reason no one listened to
our suggestion that . But that’s fine, because if he Dwayne “ The Rock” Johnson be cast as the Twelfth Doctor had been cast he wouldn’t be available to play Quentyn Martell, eldest son of Prince Doran and nephew to Oberyn Martell. Technically in the books Quentyn’s an earnest, humorless teenager who just wants to marry Dany and ride a dragon… and who thinks he’s in one of those fantasy series where young heroes with good hearts can sweep the princess off her feet and save the day without being charred to a crisp. I feel bad for the little dork. The character description isn’t exactly Rock-esque, I’ll grant you. But there’s speculation that Quentyn and his younger brother Trystane are being folded into one character. If you’re already going to make that change, why not also make Quentyn a beefy, good-hearted adult who rides Drogon off into the sunset and teaches all of Westeros the value of kindness and good sportsmanship?
autumn-sacura, Quentyn (center) with Gerris and Arch.
The Sand Snakes
Powerful, independent women, each different from the others, yet all capable of taking hold of their own destinies with a firm grasp and refusing to let any of the men in their lives set their fates. Am I talking about the Sand Snakes? Or
the Kardashian sisters? You can’t tell, can you? Co-starring Scott Disick as Areo Hotah.
Pictured: Tyene, Nymeria, and Obara (aka
the three Sand Snakes whom we’ve been rumored to see so far) by eskatoad.
The Greyjoy Uncles
Victarion Greyjoy: The oldest of Lord Balon Greyjoy’s three younger brothers, he is a natural born leader and skilled military commander. Euron Greyjoy: The douchebag pirate middle child, fond of pillage, murder, and rape. And Aeron Greyjoy, aka Damphair: The baby of the family, he had a near death experience and came out the other side a religious extremist and the Drowned God’s #1 fan. I submit to you:
The Hanson brothers. Or the Jonas brothers. I’m not picky.
Victarion art by
Meryl Streep can play just about anyone, but can she play a Lord of the North who uses the fact that his enemies see him a walking fat joke to lull them into a sense of false security so he can turn against them and bake their beloved family members into pies? Probably. Unlike some of the other characters on this list (the High Sparrow, Maggy), we’ve not yet heard a peep about Lord Manderly being in the show. If Game of Thrones were keeping strictly to the books, which of course it isn’t, he’d already have shown up. And the role George R.R. Martin gives him is pretty small (though it looks like it’s being set up to expand in books six and seven). Basically, omitting him wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility; the writers could always give his role in Davos’ storyline to someone else, like Gendry got Edric Storm’s “Oh shit, Stannis is trying to sacrifice me!” plot. I really hope they don’t do that. I love this clever, ruthless bastard.
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Hiatus has fallen, and now our watch begins. We have long months to go until
Game of Thrones comes back, but already we’ve been hearing some rumors about which book characters season five might introduce. The Sand Snakes. Prince Doran. Other sites, like WinterIsComing.net, take an admirably serious approach to fancasting, but for my part, I prefer something a little more… unusual, like when we presented our unlikely candidates for the Twelfth Doctor. To that end, here are my choices for people who will never, ever be cast as new characters in Game of Thrones, but who definitely should be. Definitely.
This gallery contains spoilers for all published books. Be ye warned.
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