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Donald Trump Is Arguing With Donald Trump Over Special Counsel Investigating Russia Ties

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. President.

Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein appointed a special counsel—or councel, depending on who you believe—to oversee the investigation into the Trump team’s ties to Russia, and Donald Trump is totally chill about it, you guys. He really believes last a thorough investigation will clear them of wrongdoing … if we’re going by Last Night Trump. Morning Trump disagrees.

We all know by now that Last Night Trump was certainly his team doing damage control, whereas Morning Trump has historically been when he personally takes the opportunity to make them all look like idiots. Maybe that’s why they just put the debunked-by-morning statement out under his name this time and just let past and future Trump throw themselves under the bus together. Well, as far as Morning Trump is concerned, this is the “single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!”


I’m sure all the non-politicians who were the targets of actual witch hunts in American history are equally unimpressed. He’s also still distressed that no special counsel was appointed for anything President Obama or Secretary Clinton ever did, but he’s probably just mad that he hasn’t yet managed to break the curse that’s forcing him to live out his old tweets, wherein he, of course, called for just that:

Maybe that’s why he’s got witches on the brain?

He also tried this sniveling everyone’s-so-unfair-to-me act at the Coast Guard Academy’s commencement yesterday, saying, “No politician in history … has been treated worse or more unfairly.” Truly, those graduates will benefit from that insightful wisdom, or at least enjoy everyone on the Internet pointing out the many, many politicians who were treated worse.

Although, we may all be overlooking that it’s certainly extremely unfair that Trump is who he is and still got to be president, but I don’t think that’s the angle he’s coming at this from.

Morning Trump has plenty to be worried about, though. Not only was special counsel chosen, by someone who felt he’d been unfairly assigned scapegoat status for FBI Director James Comey’s firing, without consultation from the White House or Attorney General Jeff Sessions, but news broke that the White House knew ex-National Security Adviser Mike Flynn was under investigation for secretly working as a paid lobbyist for Turkey during Trump’s campaign. Then we found out that, before he was removed from his position, Flynn delayed a U.S. military action that Turkey opposed.

Oh, and Mike Pence, who would become president if Trump were impeached and removed from office, is implicated in all of this, because he was the head of the transition team, despite his later assertions that he had never heard of Flynn’s foreign agent status before:

Mike Pence, ladies and gentlemen:

(image: NBC)

(image: NBC)

So what about that next guy in line to be president, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan? Despite generally just being the worst and seeming to care solely about hating President Obama and lowering taxes on the rich at any cost, the Washington Post has Ryan on tape asking fellow Republicans to keep quiet about talk that Trump was on Putin’s payroll. The line of defense now is that they were just kidding, everyone, and WaPo makes clear that it’s difficult to tell context from the tape, but his first defense was that it never happened at all. It only became a “joke” after WaPo told him they could prove it.

Haha, our country’s on fire! What a hilarious joke!

(image: Ildar vector /

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Dan is many things, including a game developer, animator, martial artist, and at least semi-professional pancake chef. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (his dog), both of whom are the best, and he will never stop reminding The Last Jedi's detractors that Luke Skywalker's pivotal moment in Return of the Jedi was literally throwing his lightsaber away and refusing to fight.