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Thank You, Toronto Citizen Who Demanded a Library Remove Hop on Pop, For Protecting Me From Being Hopped Upon

I will not be hopped upon!

Don't Hop on Pop

A library in Toronto has received a request to remove the Dr. Seuss book Hop on Pop for fear that it will inspire kids to violently attack their fathers in a hopping fashion. As a father with no desire to be hopped upon, I applaud this brave Torontonian for taking a stand to protect me from my child.

Besides asking that the book be pulled from the library, this Canadian Hero also demanded that the library publicly apologize and pay damages to any hopped-on-pops in the “GTA,” which we assume stands from Greater Toronto Area.

Sadly, the library decided to retain the book and Toronto’s children will no doubt continue their reign of terror by continuing to hops on their pops, as they have since the book was first published in 1963. Our extensive research (literally one Google search for “Dads injured in hopping accident”) has shown that in the past 50 years there have been exactly ZERO incidents of children reading Hop on Pop and hopping their father to death.

That’s surprising, considering how children do exactly what they read in books 100% of the time. Good thing one citizen was brave enough to take time out of their busy schedule of making up stupid things to complain about for attention to tackle this very serious issue.

(Toronto Public Library via Gawker, image via Daniel X. O’Neil with edits)

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Glen is a comedian, writer, husband, and father. He won his third-grade science fair and is a former preschool science teacher, which is a real job.