(Non-Alcoholic) Wine For Cats Is Now An Actual Thing You Can Buy
Because there wasn't enough of a monkey on their backs already with all that catnip we give 'em.
After a long, stressful day of sleeping on various surfaces of your home, your cat just wants to relax and unwind. But what’s a stressed-out feline to do when water our of a bowl on the ground just won’t cut it? Open up a bottle of wine, of course.
Billed as juice made from a combination of cabernet grapes, vitamin C, and catnip, B&H Life’s Nyan Nyan Neoveau costs about $4 a bottle (Can cats even metabolize grapes?), and was apparently developed for those who want to celebrate holidays such as Christmas and birthdays… with their cat. God, if that isn’t the saddest thing we’ve ever read. Cats are great and all, but they don’t give a shit about your birthday. Go find some real friends to celebrate with.
Don’t get all high-and-mighty, though, dog-lovers! according to Sankei Biz, B&H Life already has a very successful line of wine, beer, and even saké for dogs. Heck, you can even buy dog beer right here in the United States. So you can put away that tired old cat lady stereotype, because unhealthy pet obsessions are unhealthy pet obsessions no matter how you slice ’em.
Of course, B&H Life isn’t the first company in Japan that has created an non-alcoholic version of an alcoholic beverage to sell to someone who has no business drinking it. You guys remember “kids’ beer,” the soft drink that looks exactly like a beer? That’s also a thing. What a time to be alive.
No word on whether or not the company will be creating a white wine version, which, frankly, is baffling. Everybody knows you can’t pair a cabernet with seafood! What are all these cats going to drink with their fish?